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Sunday 09 April 2017


Wedding Belles: Who, what, where, when & why?

Posted in: Weddings & Civil Unions
By Jacqui Stanford - 8th April 2012

GayNZ.com writer Jacqui Stanford is planning her civil union and is taking GayNZ.com readers along for the ride. In the first edition of Wedding Belles she answers the crunch questions.

Who?

For those of you who prefer visual explanations of things to soppy love stories, here’s a diagram explaining the evolution of a lesbian relationship:

Lesbian_relationships_101.jpg

Our story is the age-old tale of cop meets journalist; cop and journalist fall in love, cop and journalist go on to solve crimes together… oh, no, hang on, that’s a book I read.

Really we are just two women in our late 20s who fell head over heels for each other, who make each other laugh more than anyone else ever has, who love spending every minute of every day together, want to wake up next to each other for the rest of our lives, build a family of fur babies and children, travel and explore, enjoy life’s adventures side by side.

We’re polar opposites and exactly the same; we’re the perfect match of oxymoron only love can throw up. The calm constable balances me, handles my princess moments with laughter and grace, pulls me back to earth, surprises me with gifts, cooks me dinner, does the jobs around the house that require a tool box, picks me up when I am down and protects me. I, the melodramatic journalist, cheer from the sidelines when she plays soccer, check her spelling, wash her socks, calm her attacks of hot-headedness, help her debrief after a hard day at work and deal with her love of terrible pop music.

We went through our toughest times so far early on in our relationship. She fought for me, and won, and has me forever.

proposal.jpeg
We knew from early on we’d get hitched one day, and she popped the question much earlier than expected last year, gathering together our closest friends and getting friends in a band to play our song, then dropping to one knee and proposing. I cried, accepted and giggled at the ring box being upside down when she opened it. A friend snapped the moment on her cell phone as you can see in the picture.

What, when and where?

Soppy romance aside now, planning a wedding certainly comes with plenty of, well, planning. We’ve already spent hours designing centrepieces, writing and revising guest lists, trying to find invitations and the likes that aren’t blindingly straight.

Kumeu.jpg

We’re having the ceremony in January at Dee’s parents’ farm in Kumeu. Her dad has been working tirelessly on the property; tidying up an island that has a creek running around it, rebuilding the rose garden and building archways. Meanwhile, we women have been out scouring stores for items matching our colour scheme, under the expert and excited eye of my mother-in-law to be.

We are going cross-eyed looking for things that match the colour scheme. We are also going cross-eyed at the cost of hiring necessary items for weddings, such as marquees, tables and chairs, as we suppose we can’t make everyone stand all night.

Yes, there will be dresses. They will be white. And yes, we will be wearing them. Normally we’re both chucks, jeans and t-shirts kind of girls, but if there is one day in our lives we agree we both want to look gorgeous and feminine, it’s our wedding day. We’re having a best man and a bridesmaid each. And to avoid being too traditional, our flower girl will be in drag.

Why?

It seems bizarre to me to attempt to explain why I am tying the knot with the girl I love. I feel like a kid in class trying to write an essay, but suffering a mental block.

Why am I getting married? Because I love Demelza Kaan maddeningly. I want to stand up in front of the people I care about the most and celebrate the love we have.

It’s not about froufrou dresses, spending a fortune, looking good or trying to mimic some straight life.

It’s just about love. 

This picture is my favourite from the gay marriage campaign in the US. It says things more eloquently than I ever could:

 

older_lesbian_couple.jpg

I know there are plenty of gay and lesbian people who think civil unions are a vomitous parody of a dull straight institution, and those of us who choose to have them are living some kind of heteronormative delusion.

I’m never going to convince you differently. And I wouldn’t want to. As you hopefully wouldn’t want to take the option to have a civil union from me.


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Jacqui Stanford - 8th April 2012