Hi there, I'm very new to this site and in desperate need of advice. I sit here tonight in tears, drinking wine, trying to sort my life! I will try to keep it simple....I am female and met a man who is so caring and loving, we have been together for 8 years and have been married for 1.5 years. It was an amazing wedding and at the time it was obviously what we both wanted. We have a house together, we both have great jobs, are financially secure and one day thought we would have children together. I know he would be an amazing father. Towards the end of last year I started to develop feelings for a female colleague. WTF!! I have never felt this way about a female before, I am as straight as can be is what I thought. I got butterflies everytime I saw her but pushed these feeling aside and didn't think anything of this, as I was married to a man! These feelings got stronger and a couple of months later I told her how I felt. She felt the same way (from the moment she met me apparently. She came out a couple of years ago) but never said anything, as I was married. Since then (almost 9 months) we have been seeing each other on and off. She is amazing, we have chemistry +++. We work together so we see each other most days. She makes me laugh and feel so very loved. The sexual side of things is something I have never experienced in my life!! This was something that was missing with me and my husband for quite some time, I'm not sure why??? Perhaps deep down I was always supposed to be with a girl?! I told my husband what was going on approx 6 months ago, he was understandably heart broken. I am currently living on my own, trying to have some space, while trying to figure out who I want to be with. The trouble is, I see this girl every day at work, so it is hard to have complete space from her. We catch up outside of work, I know I shouldn't, as I'm trying to have space but I can't help it, I want to see her! We spend time together and its great, so much fun! I know I love her. I can't help but think about my husband too though, he's always on my mind, I miss him and the old us, but I don't know if we would ever be the same again. Since having space, he has been with a few other women. I know I need to make a decision, as the position that we are all in at present is horrible, our lives are on hold. She loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. He is ready to talk when I am but in the mean time is not going to put his life on hold any longer. I worry about my future. I married the man I thought I would live happily ever after with and have children together. But I've met this amazing woman who blows my mind! I worry about the future if I choose her. I know we can still have a family but in a different way. I worry about my family and what they will think (they all know about the current situation). They love my husband and he's a huge part of the family. My friends are very supportive, saying I just need to do what makes me happy but if I choose her it would change our friendships. My husband and I have mutual friends, a great group of friends that have done everything together. I know if I choose her it would be different, never the same and I would miss that. I feel I could make either way work, both have their positives and negatives, but I know I can't have both!!! Your thoughts would be very much appreciated:)
