Jelly wrestling and other craziness

January 8, 2013 in General

I moved house recently.  When I say recently, I mean a year ago, but it’s flown so fast that it still feels like yesterday.  While nothing will ever compare to the craziness of my last flat, I thought it would be interesting to introduce you to my new flat at Commercial Road.

Loving that orange.

Our digs on Commercial Road are a glorious splash of colour in the otherwise muted greys and whites of Grey Lynn.  Around ten years ago the landlord decided it would be fun to paint the kitchen and living room with whatever paint he had lying around, and presto, the flat ended up bright orange with blue trim.  Well, mostly orange and blue.  He ran out of paint before he could finish the job, so there are still random white patches that haven’t been covered up yet.  I felt like I was on acid for the first week or so after I moved in, but eventually my brain acclimatised.

Dan and Lucy were running the flat at the time.  Dan had been in the house for seven years, and was full of wild stories about past events.  Apparently one of the previous flatmates had got one of the other previous flatmates pregnant, which had resulted in a miscarriage and a disastrous relationship.  So the rule was clear from the beginning – don’t screw the crew, and we’ll get along fine.  This did not apply to Dan and Lucy, who had been together for four years and were well on the way to marriage and two and a half children together.  When Dan and Lucy moved out during the year, Kat and I decided to continue the lease.

Kat moved in a few months before me.  It wasn’t until we’d lived together for quite some time that I realised she was a former girlfriend of one of my cousins.  Hello, two degrees New  Zealand.  Kat takes professional hoola-hooping classes, and has her hoola-hoop collection behind the couch in the lounge.  After a few drinks, visitors to our flat are usually challenged to try their hand at hooping.  That’s why we have no light shade in the lounge now.

Good times at Commercial Road

She has been a good partner in crime.  My favourite Kat story involves the time I woke up one morning with someone in my bed whose name I did not know.  (It happens to the best of us.)  He was still asleep, and I texted Kat in the next room to ask for suggestions.  She asked what ethnicity he was, (Indian), and then sent me back a list of the top ten most common Indian names from Wikipedia.  Her recommendation was that I work through the list and see which one he responded to.

I ended up cooking breakfast downstairs with the (still unidentified) stranger, carefully negotiating the conversation so I wouldn’t have to bring up his name.  Meanwhile Kat walked past my bedroom door, saw my room was empty, and assumed my Romeo had left.  She came bouncing into the kitchen, and enquired loudly as to whether I’d found out his name.  He was sitting on the steps having a cigarette, and heard every word.  I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.

John was in the flat long before Kat and I moved in.  Think Irish archaeologist with dreadlocks.  One of John’s recurring stories is about the time he was sexually abused in hospital.  Which sounds like a terrible story, but he’s never been able to finish it without having us all in fits of laughter.  He fell out a window while sleep-walking, and impaled himself on a stick.  He was subsequently in hospital, and without warning the doctor had a bit of a poke “down there” to make sure that things were, well, working properly, I guess.  John swears the incident has left him traumatised.

Euna when she’s not doing Gangnam Style

Euna moved in to fill what was Dan and Lucy’s room.  She’s Korean, and is our resident Gangnam girl.  Her protective mother keeps a close eye on her, or as close an eye as you can keep from the other side of the world.  She warned Euna when she moved in that she needed to put a lock on her bedroom door so her flatmates couldn’t rape her in her sleep.  Euna tried to explain that I was gay and John was her friend, but apparently gay guys just pretend to be gay so they can get close to girls.  All Euna needs now is to marry a Kiwi guy so she can get residency.  Any takers, send her a message on Facebook.

Slippery. So slippery.

We work together well as a flat.  We have a lot of fun, and our crazy ideas bounce off each other.  That’s how we came to have jelly wrestling at our flat Christmas party a few weeks ago.  For those of you who are wondering, jelly wrestling is exactly what it sounds like.  We bought a family-sized paddling pool, and filled it with 240 litres of jelly.   Which is more problematic than it sounds, because it has to be able to set at room temperature then not melt in the sun.  Turns out you can buy special jelly for just such a purpose – who knew!

Now that we’ve done jelly wrestling, I hope we never do it again.  It took weeks for the house to come properly clean, and days later I was still pulling panties out of the garden.  The lawn is still slippery, and just a few days ago I went arse over tits trying to get to the washing line.  No more jelly wrestling.

Next time, we’ll have a bouncy castle instead.

Jelly wrestling and other craziness

One Comment

    1. Trudy says:

      Love it. It sounds like my crazy flatting days as a student in Dunedin. Did I tell you about the ‘flat wars’ we had with our neighbours across the way? Think Red Lights, chocolate laxative and chocolate gateaux!! Ahhhhh the good old days.

Jelly wrestling and other craziness

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