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Vanity Rules

26th July 2010

Till Death Us Do Part

Posted by: un-pc lesbian

Recently, as yet another lesbian friend has moved in with her her lover after an unseemly short time, I am again pondering the lesbian second date syndrome, aka bring on the u-haul. I’ve addressed this issue on many occasions on my home blog and now think it should be discussed here. 

In relation to the friend mentioned above, my first thought when I found out they were moving in together was, “9 weeks, goodness, why have you left it so long!” but then the words attributed to Oscar Wilde came to mind, so I zipped my mouth. However, why is this? Why do so many lesbians think that moving in together very quickly is a positive way to conduct a relationship?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand how hot great lesbian sex is, sheesh, I’ve done enough research, and I understand the intensity of the attraction and desire that goes with the great sex, but from my little perch here on the sofa it seems to me that the fastest way to kill this yummy passion is to move in together. It’s a fairly quick journey from can’t keep your hands to yourself new lust, to lesbian bed death once you’re sharing the rent payments.

This also makes me question why so many lesbians think a relationship where the couple live together is more valid than one where the partners choose to live apart, or even in different cities. I’m gonna pull the “c” word out now, but commitment and validity for some appears to be linked to the u-haul, when in fact a couple can have a perfectly functioning committed and monogamous (if that’s the dynamic they want) relationship while living in separate houses.

Then we have the issue of why do lesbians try to replicate the stereotypical heterosexual dynamic? By the nature of our sexuality we live outside society’s norm, so why try to imitate this stereotype and create a Mum, Mum, kids and white picket fence household. It doesn’t seem to work that well for straight people, so why try and copy something that is so obviously broken?  

This of course leads me on to civil unions. Now I’m not against the act and what it stands for, ie giving gay “marriages” the same legal rights as straight ones, but why do lesbians then copy the marriage ritual of the heterosexual world? The whole ceremony as it is practiced today is a patriarchal ritual based on the ownership of women by the male head of the tribe. The walk down the aisle ends with the bride being “given away” from one male to another. Sure the words for their ceremony may not contain the phrase “who gives this woman” but by following this formal ritual they are still perpetuating the male hegemony in our society.

And finally why oh why do so many lesbians insist on the white dress when they get civilised. Fuk me, even Ellen and Mandy did it (ok, will concede that the dress has a lot of pink on it). The white dress is a symbol of virginity and became part of the marriage ritual when Christianity came along and started hijacking everything and putting their own spin on things. Prior to that marriage was a way for tribes to coexist and expand in harmony and ensure survival of the species. Christianity comes along with it’s ’sex is naughty’ slogan, pitching that all brides must be virgins and therefore must wear a white dress to signify their intact status. Well, we all know that lesbians are NOT virgins when they get civilised as sex is the reason for them doing the union in the first place. So WHY wear the white dress?

Tags: Deep Navel Gazing · General · lesbian dating · why?

2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Craig // Jul 28, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    This tends to remind me of the corresponding venerable joke about what gay men do on our second dates.

    Q: What do gay men do on their second dates?
    A: “What’s a second date…?”

  • 2 un-pc lesbian // Jul 28, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Exactly. When I first heard that jole the second part was the lesbian section, hence the concept “second date syndrome”.

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