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Monday 08 November 2010


Vanity Rules

15th September 2010

Dating Dilemma

Posted by: un-pc lesbian

Over the last few months for various reasons I have been somewhat lax about going out on dates. The ‘date many, commit to none’ manifesto accidentally slipped into the background while I was dealing with other dreary life things like moving house, work, plus being pleasantly amused elsewhere. However I think the time has come to attempt to get back on the dating roller coaster.

When I was discussing this with NZalien the subject of online dating came up, and she gave me the staggering statistic that something like 75% of couples meet up via internet dating. I will say though that NZalien is San Francisco based, but I’m sure the numbers would be fairly similar here. I do admit that even though I have made friends via the cyber world, I have never really ventured into the world of internet dating.

Over the last week I have been looking at these dating sites, or to be more exact the profiles of the women on them, as NZalien also pointed out that writing your profile can be a very fraught experience.  I can now see why. I also noticed that none of the profiles I read in my research indicated the type of woman they would like to meet, which to me seems a fairly sensible thing to do to get your needs met. And may I say that “likes a glass of wine” or “long walks on the beach” are hardly stimulating descriptors.

I thought that I would write a test profile so I would be prepared in case I did decide to venture into this uncharted territory, and this is where my dilemma started. I found that what I was writing varied depending on the time of day, or even day of the week. At this rate I would need to create at least three user accounts. So for your amusement I am now going to post what I have written so far.

Profile 1: Stiletto wearing corporate dyke seeks butch suit wearing counterpart, and that is trousers not skirt. Must be well read, well educated and a confident conversationalist on many topics. Fine dining and fine wine knowledge is a must, and an in depth knowledge of the last 10 Veuve Clicquot vintages will immediately accrue extra bonus points. Preferred sectors; Law (SA or higher), Geek girls (always make me swoon), Academia (Senior Lecturer or above, Post Doctorate Research Fellow may be considered depending on research field), and Science and Comms girls are pretty hot too. For an indication of what is required see image below. Baggage carriers need not apply.


Then when I get home from work and change into training gear and head off for a workout I find a different profile comes to mind.

Profile 2: Slightly exercise obsessed lesbian seeks super sporty dyke for fun ‘workouts’. Must lift weights with emphasis on upper body, and must wear skimpy lycra while doing so. High cardio activity is also required, though marathon runners will only be considered if prepared to bulk up between events. Must be prepared to modify weights routines to equipment located in easy viewing of my treadmill. Swimmers and their chlorine aroma will be tolerated, see reference to upper body. For an indication of what is required see image below. Baggage carriers need not apply.


Then when I’m not working or training and just hanging out being me I find that yet another profile is needed.

Profile 3: Quirky offbeat lesbian with an interest in gender blurring seeks like minded individual to play with. Must prefer Arthouse to Hollywood, Bats to Downstage and an interest in porn is an advantage. A love of music is vital and if a musician you will be required to play, possibly naked. Must be open to gender blurring. FtM’s must be comfortable with, and happy to play with (lots) the downstairs bits from birth. Must love food and wine, book shops and museums, and be partial to the odd night on the dance floor. For an indication of what is required see image below. Baggage carriers need not apply.


So you can see my dilemma about trying to enter this particular internet world, which me do I present?

To be honest it’s all a moot point anyway as those sites are just too fukking scary, plus I’ve just had the most brilliant idea. I have it all here! So, if you want to take your chances on a date with me all you have to do is comment below. Go on, Do It!!

Tags: Dither · lesbian dating

16 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Kim Possible // Sep 16, 2010 at 10:07 am

    That is “bloody” awesome love it xx

  • 2 Some bag // Sep 16, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    I think it’s the “baggage carriers need not apply” part which makes your quest the most difficult!

  • 3 john // Sep 16, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Shit, I wish I were a lesboy as I have all the attributes you are looking for. Only possible problem - I am 77 in the shade

  • 4 Max // Sep 16, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I have the first and last pretty much nailed… :)

  • 5 un-pc lesbian // Sep 16, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    @ Kim, heh heh, I have been consdiering getting you to pimp for me!!

    @Some Bag, yeah I don’t understand the baggage thing. Surely it’s best to examine the baggage, learn from it then move on and leave it behind?

    @John, awww - however, send workout shedule and your dissertation on Veuve Clicquot vintages and you never know…..

    @Max….The words of Meatloaf come to mind…..[runs to see if this software traps email addresses]

  • 6 355 // Sep 17, 2010 at 4:20 am

    “plus being pleasantly amused elsewhere”

    what does this mean - does it mean you have a fuckbuddy?

    i always wondered what queer women did if they didn’t have a gf (which they almost always seem to have) or weren’t ‘dating’ (what a quaint term that is)

    imho, it’s unhealthy not to be getting laid, so my best to you in your online search for sex
    (i’d offer up my services, but i doubt i tick any of your boxes - or would know how to tick your box)

  • 7 Russian // Sep 17, 2010 at 8:14 am

    Hhmmm…Mi amor, I’d say you’re on to something with 3 different user profiles.. And it’ll go quite well with “date many commit to none” scenario.. The problem is, I haven’t seen anything even remotely similar in all the dat scenes that we attend more or less regularly here.But,hey, it’s always fun searching. P.S. Signe is available now and she def fits number 2 to a tee..LMAO

  • 8 un-pc lesbian // Sep 17, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    @Russian, please see baggage reference.

    @355 Yes I did have a grogeous young boy keeping me amused, but c’est la vie life moves on. I’d hesitate to use the word fuckbuddy…lover I think was more apt. fuckbuddy is so raw and clinical!

    I don’t know about this g/f concept either. Some of us make conscious decisions to be unattached, yet that doesn’t mean we are not sexually satisfied.

    Yes, dating is a quaint concept. I didn’t doo enough in my youth so making up for it now!

  • 9 JLS // Sep 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Girls who can’t make up their minds…..I’m deeply shocked.

  • 10 un-pc lesbian // Sep 19, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Yes, hence the tag dither!!!

  • 11 Stirling // Sep 19, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I was going to leave it at that WordPress said my comment was too short! Blardy compliance *mutters*

  • 12 un-pc lesbian // Sep 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    ha ha….but still think those sites are too scary, and I’m too much of a wuss to venture further. whimper……kind of a fatal flaw in the plan to do the dating thing!!

  • 13 Craig // Sep 21, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    You do realise that polyamory is a perfectly legitimate relationship choice in this context? You could always chose more than one…

  • 14 un-pc lesbian // Sep 21, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    I KNOW!!! But one still has to meet the multiples to date tho - hence dilemma.

  • 15 Nigella Ramsey // Oct 27, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Bloody hell sweetheart….Im sorry I sold my home gym now….and my suit…and favourite waistcoat….my silk tie collection…my dyke porn dvd’s… Never mind, at least I can cook..naked if need be… :)

  • 16 un-pc lesbian // Oct 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Excellent Nigella, will hold you to that….only requirement is you can’t wear your cardigan sticky taped to your breasts!!!

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