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Monday 08 November 2010

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Vanity Rules

5th September 2010

Market Research

Posted by: un-pc lesbian

Hello all. I’ve been off air and off line for a wee while as I’ve been licking my wounds, and though I did get flogged at the Fetish Ball last weekend not those sort of wounds. I’ve had to make one of those heartwrenchingly awful adult decisions, which I’m not very good at doing as I prefer to keep pleasure in my life, but here I am again to dump my brain ramblings on you all.

 Over the last week I’ve been back pondering the concept of pan sexuality and whether that is how I think of myself on the sexual spectrum. I dislike the word/label bisexual as I think it is too limiting and also implies that gender is binary. I have in jest used the word trisexual, and then created the word trinary because it sounded cool, but once again it is limiting and to me doesn’t cover the many fluid permutations of gender that exist between the flagposts of male and female.  

I then started to think that if I was truly pan sexual I should be able to indulge in straight male:female sex, yet those who read my home blog know that I was a total failure the last time I attempted that. So over the last few days I have been forcing myself to look at men and seeing if I can find anyone or anything attractive in them. I keep looking at them and recalling that I used to find them appealing, but now I can’t seem to. I discussed this at drinks last night with a gender redefined friend and his theory is that it’s the queer factor that is missing. As I’ve only been inspecting straight men it’s their air of inherent straightness that is putting me off, therefore implying that I only respond to all things queer.

When I got home and looked in the mirror I then wondered what sort of male would be attracted to me. I have a new haircut which, no matter how much product I use, insists on staying as a pixie fauxhawk, and due to the weepy eyes from allergy issues I have stopped wearing makeup except for work. I have, it seems, reverted to my default gender free image (see below post right hand image) and except for the hours at work I am presenting as full andro. A non gender phase for me usually means celibacy as well, oh ick, though guess it’s needed.

I then figured that if a straight male was going to be attracted to me as I currently look they must be pretty bent themselves, as I am in no way exhibiting any feminine identifiers, not even breasts. (OMG, have just realised I truly am facing celibacy, I have been keeping what little mammaries there are well contained in my comfy gym crops!) Therefore if they are attracted to me in my current phase they must be pondering their sexuality as well, and do I want to go there?

So there you have a useless little stroll down the gender and sexuality paths of my brain, though I do still wonder when did males lose their sexual attractiveness to me?

For some reason when I started writing this the following tune came into to my head to I’ve been obsessively listening to it over and over. Still can’t decide which is more haunting, Eddie Jobson’s electric violin or Andy Mackays horns.

Tags: Deep Navel Gazing · Gender · General

4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jax // Sep 6, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Every now and then I see a guy and think he’s really hot and feel really attracted to him … I guess it’s what I like to call my ‘5 percent bisexual side’ … sleeping with a straight guy though, no, I just don’t think I ever could again. It’s women for me.

  • 2 un-pc lesbian // Sep 6, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    but but but - as a purely intellectual concept I should be able to do it, it’s the attraction factor that is missing. Plus the only males I do think are in any way appealing are usually more boys then men, so if thats the case I’d rather have a T boy.

  • 3 sappho // Sep 7, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    hmmm. i always insist that boys are often lovely, so long as they’re queer, and that goes for the girls too… as far as my own orientation goes, queer or not is definitely more important than mere genital arrangement. anything else makes no sense to me - it’s like the idea of queer girl specifically attracted to straight girls, we understand this is silly, and usually doesn’t work out. why would boys be any different? queer boys are clearly far more interesting/sexy than straight boys…

  • 4 un-pc lesbian // Sep 7, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    oooOOooo hadn’t thought about gay boys….but then it would really just go back to my comment above…the ones I think are attractive are usually YOUNG and andro, so in that case I’d still prefer a T boy.

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