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Monday 08 November 2010

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Vanity Rules

30th September 2010

The Real L Word

Posted by: un-pc lesbian

One of my biggest failings as a lesbian is that I have never watched The L Word. I was once loaned all the discs, but after six months I returned them still unwatched. I think it is a moment that has passed me by.

Recently a good friend, who knows of my love of deep trash reality tv, gave me the files for The Real L Word. Again I dithered about watching, until one night said friend poured way too many bubbles down my throat and made me watch a few episodes. As predicted, I was hooked. I have even watched it a second time, purely for research for this review of course, and nothing to do with too much bubble drinking during the first time round.

To be honest, I don’t know what world this is ‘real” in but it’s certainly not mine. It may be real for the few suburbs of Los Angeles these women live in, but I’m not taking it as indicative of lesbian life in other parts of the country, if it is then sorry NZAlien, not coming to visit unless you promise me real HOT lesbians to play with. Whitney, one of the Real Lesbians, says West Los Angeles has a more polished lesbian, going by these women give me rough, hot and dirty any day.

The image I have put in below is from the show’s website. I think you will easily see what I mean about questioning the “real” factor with these women. One of these women is portrayed as, and thinks of herself as a butch lesbian. Can anyone guess which one it is from this image? Also in this image the skinny ones are air  brushed bigger, the biggest one airbrushed smaller, and two of these women’s arms are fully tattooed.

reallword.jpg

The show follows this core group through their every day lives in their ’real’ world. I will  give you a brief overview of each of them.
 
Nikki and Jill, aka anorexic and Not Gay. Nikki is portrayed as the alpha dyke in this couple, and they both work in the industry and are also developing a tv show together. Nikki has always been gay, Jill has only recently had the lesbian awakening. They have been together about a year, and  funnily enough want to get married so are planning their ‘wedding’ despite prop 8. Most footage of them is to do with planning the wedding. Nikki is a sight to behold. She is uber thin, yet her breasts look like they may topple her over. She has that awful gaunt mouth and jaw line very reminiscent of Karen Carpenter, but the horrendous work around her eyes distracts you from that. She also needs to be told that when you are that thin, wearing skin tight jeans is not necessarily a Good Look. There is a rear shot of her in episode 6 that is appalling, you could drive a freight train through the gap in those legs. ick ick ick. Nikki throws money around to assert her power. Jill is a bit overawed by the ridiculous sums being spent on “just one day”. Both their mothers make an appearance as well, and it seems Nikki’s mother has used the same surgeon as her. 
 
Tracy and Stamie, aka hot and HOTTER. I don’t really know why these two are on the show as  they seem normal, except for living together after only three months, but in lesbian terms that is normal. Tracy is drop dead gorgeous. I’d even stray from my total butch preference for her. Her main issue in the show is getting her mother to accept her being gay. She also does a good line in making one of her sisters feel very uncomfortable due to PDA’s. Stamie is hot too, in that smart, articulate, at ease with herself confident woman way. She is a comedian which only adds to her hotness. Her baggage is three children that she has had with a previous partner and the complicated caregiving arrangements. She should also be slapped for two of the children’s names. Jagger and Daltrey for fuks sake.

Mikey, aka the ‘butch’ one. The first images of her have all the hallmarks of butch; leather, tattoos and draped over a motorbike, but fuk me look at the hair. Looks like at least half an hours worth of hair straightener and blow dry work to achieve the look. How butch is that? She tries to assert her butchness by what comes out of her mouth, along the lines of, “I’m a big softy on the inside but I’ll fuck you up if you cross me”, or “who’s dick do I have to suck to get this job done”, and “I’m a gay man trapped in a lesbian body.” Oooh, does that mean you’re going to transition? Somehow I don’t think T boys feature in this world. Her job is producing L A fashion week but sadly the files for episode eight were corrupt so I didn’t get to see her moment of glory. Her girlfriend looks like a drag queen, Mikey even thought she was when they met. In a recurring theme from this show Mikey tried to organise a suprise quickie wedding while in Vegas, but was thwarted by the girlfriends late arrival. Yeah, so butch!

 Rose…Rose, Rose, Rose. What can I say other than if you could change her personality, ignore her attitude and self absorbment, cut her hair off and get rid of the make up then she would be uber hot. Would totally tick the hot big girl box. However, Rose is a prize bitch. The only good thing about Rose are her friends who all look like normal lesbians. The one who pulled her up on her hypocrisy in episode five is particularly hot. Swoon, swoon.

And finally we have Whitney. I just don’t get Whitney, or more, I don’t get the appeal of Whitney. Whitney is the “player”, yet she doesn’t seem to grasp the one important concept you need if trying to string multiples together, and that is total honesty and openness. In the first episode Whitney drops one lover off at the airport then drives to the next terminal to collect another. In another at a party at her house she leaves her semi live in outside, and spends the entire night indoors shagging another. She professes to not want a relationship, yet as her roomie points out, she only dates women who want a relationship. She also spends a lot of time trying to placate one or other of these women, far in excess for one who doesn’t want a relationship. The most explicit sex scenes involved Whitney, but hello, harness over top of knickers, wrinkles, Not Hot! She got her just desserts in the end, but if she’d been totally honest I’m sure she could have had a true ‘multiple’.

So there you have it, I do wonder if there is going to be another series. I of course am totally hooked as it is the epitome of cringe making reality tv, and being lesbians by the time they film next year everyone will have broken up and moved one bed to the left. I look forward to season two.

Tags: General · Reality? · why?

11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 syl // Oct 1, 2010 at 3:41 am

    Hey dude, thsi is suppose to be the real version of “The L word”
    so you know, LA fashion and fame in reality. That’s how I thought about it. Not the ultimately realest lesbians. But you had some good points beside that. Nice read.

  • 2 nzalien // Oct 1, 2010 at 7:16 am

    Well the LA pals assure me THEY aren’t like that (although I could most definitely live with Tracy in my world!). Of course having attended my first (and thankfully last) Dinah weekend, I’m not entirely convinced there aren’t more of “them” than the other! One thing I can promise you about San Fran (northern California as opposed to southern California) is there are the same cast of characters that you see in Wellington…just a whole lot more of them to sift through! Oh and the Bay Area has “your type” in abundance…..you won’t be short of eye candy.

  • 3 un-pc lesbian // Oct 1, 2010 at 8:20 am

    @Syl, as said I’ve not seen the actual L Word, so have nothing to compare it with, and yes I imagine this is real for a small group of women. Hmm…maybe Ellen and Portia will pop up in the next series.

    @NZAlien, We could share Tracy do you think? I’m keen. hmmm…my type, as you know fluid is my genre, so you never know what will be spinning my wheels by next year! Hug

  • 4 nzalien // Oct 1, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Well, you know, so far I’ve only seen a limited range of types actually catch and hold your eye…..I’ll be most entertained to watch your wheels spin in a different part of the spectrum…the proof will be in the seeing of course!

  • 5 un-pc lesbian // Oct 1, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    lock up your roomie me thinks!!!

  • 6 Jax // Oct 2, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I have a massive crush on Samie … she and Tracey are definitely the only peope who seem at all real on the show … but seriously, the kids’ names?! I mean really!

  • 7 un-pc lesbian // Oct 3, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Agreed re Samie, hot HOT. Even tho Tracy is just beautiful and with a gorgeous toned body, and Rose physically fills the big girl box, Samie has got it all. Kids names, big slap….I mean they could have used, lets see - Lennon and Dylan, or how about Richards and Moon, or Cobain and Hendriks, or……

  • 8 nzalien // Oct 4, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Well jeeze grrls if you’re going to have the hots for her perhaps you could get the name right…..Stamie….I, of course, totally disagree……Tracy is smart, hot and…..well, child free with no notable signs of an ex.lurking……

  • 9 un-pc lesbian // Oct 4, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    oopth!! At the risk of incurring a slap I would say that Stamie could be compared to you Ms NZalien!

  • 10 Jax // Oct 7, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Well I really was off my spelling game! Oh dear.

  • 11 un-pc lesbian // Oct 7, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    So was I so double oopths.

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