National Library of New Zealand
Harvested by the National Library of New Zealand on: May 15 2010 at 8:00:23 GMT
Search boxes and external links may not function. Having trouble viewing this page? Click here
Close Minimize Help
Wayback Machine
Welcome to Rainbow Youth. Skip directly to: main content or navigation.

Aunties Full Story

When I first heard the words "Im gay" I think I stopped breathing for about 2 minutes.
Thankfully I didn't need to go to hospital, yet....the next bit was "I want to come home"
I thought "Thank God" That was when I started to exhale. My second thought was "No Babies". Strange what comes into your mind when you are on overload. "Well, that's okay, I can get over that she’s coming home and we can take care of her."


She had been living abroad with her husband of about 8 or 9years they seemed to have a very interesting life, popping over to different countries Britain, Europe, helping in the world. Both were very involved with "the church". I had felt I already lost her a few years ago. The church didn't seem to approve of 'us' so it came like a bolt out of the blue.


She came home a broken spirit and a soul that was lost. After a while, the warm land of her home started to seep through and she slowly got the sun back. We talked about family and anything she could cope with. Her whole life had been tipped upside down. She had lost her husband, her faith and many friends were pitted against each other. People she had thought were close weren't there anymore and even her God had gone on holiday.


So, all I needed to do was to be there and listen- I put my fears into a shoe-box, threw it into the cupboard and got on with it.
We talked about her life and growing up. It was pretty typical. Like so many today-Mother and Father estranged and sometimes out of control themselves. Thinking back I'm sure they did the best they could.


I hadn't guessed that she was gay, but I do remember one of her first presents was a tool box. That's not so strange, I've always loved tools myself. It was true there weren’t many dolls either, and she could play soccer like a boy. Still that's not conclusive, girls can and be anything they want these days.
She had come from a long strain of strong competent women. Some of them married, some not. But, as far as I know none were gay. It wouldn't have been talked about anyway.


These days I have many friends, both men and women who are openly gay and I consider them very important in my life. Some of them have been wives and husbands, mothers and fathers. They showed me how they coped with their new lives and how it's not about blame it "Just Is" All they needed were caring non-judgmental people around them.


Whatever happens in her life from now on I decided that the most important thing is just to be that. In her Life.....If she wants me...... I don't have to know every single detail. Just what she wants to share. She is now an exceptional adult and I have enormous pride and respect for her and how far she has come.
I'm not the Birth Mother, just an Auntie who has had the privilege to be part of her young life and hope we will always be there for each other, wherever it takes us. She is too important to lose again.
 

What we mean when we say queer

A reclaimed word that represents sexuality and gender diversity. We use it to encompass lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, fa'afafine, and takataapui identities, as well as everyone in between and not sure. This word is used by many people, but it is also appreciated that it is not the preferred term for everybody.

Ways to Connect

Latest Tweets

Flickr Photostream