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Andrews Full Story

I suppose I have subconsciously 'known' I was gay since I was about 14, 15. However being the son of a fundamentalist Catholic and a real 'bloke' of a Dad, well suffice to say it wasn't too good on my head. I ended up being so fake that I had no life to speak of whatsoever - I couldn't relate well to anybody else because I couldn't even relate to myself.

I moved out of home in October 2001 at age 19. Made the odd friend... It still took me nine long months to properly come out to myself - one night lying on my bed staring at the ceiling last June, I made the conscious decision that I was not going to run away from the issue anymore. From there I made a definite decision to end this crap - kill off this 'fake' me before it could do any more damage.

The next few months were very diffucult. I'm not going to lie to you - coming out is a hell of a tough time, still, but I wouldn't go back for the world.

Coming out to my parents resulted in raised voices and me storming out of the house and not talking to either of them for a month. Now we talk. I still go home for the odd meal etc but "it" is not talked about. My parents have shut off to this side of me - I'm just waiting for them to come round; it'll probably be another couple of years at least. An uncle of mine, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and moaned "well it's about bloody time" :) I lost most of my straight "friends" - some just drifted, one caused a scene and deliberately set out to hurt me. In the end I realised that most of them weren't really friends after all.

Yes it is tough.
However I have made many new friends in this time (gay and gay-friendly) and am far happier than I ever have been. This all happened at the same time so from August till about November was a strange mix of highs and lows. But I had a good support network - I have made some lifelong friends out of others in the ID group - and have really learnt about myself.

 

What we mean when we say queer

A reclaimed word that represents sexuality and gender diversity. We use it to encompass lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, fa'afafine, and takataapui identities, as well as everyone in between and not sure. This word is used by many people, but it is also appreciated that it is not the preferred term for everybody.

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