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15 April 2010, 07:29:AM


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Author Topic: Monogamy within gay relationships:  (Read 739 times)
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BluntMuffin
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« Reply #30 on: 06 February 2010, 04:29:PM »

Gee, so u werent saying not being monog. is a negative thing.

Oh Ozzzzzzmmaaann!!!! ;0D

That survey portrays gay men in relationships as being slappers Tongue
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yanto harkness
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« Reply #31 on: 06 February 2010, 04:32:PM »

It is the ownership thing that gets me. And you have to live your life for yourself
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irishkiwi
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« Reply #32 on: 06 February 2010, 04:32:PM »

That survey portrays gay men in relationships as being slappers Tongue

Oh I know u have issues with the study. I jst wanted to clarify smthing RE wat ud posted. ;0)
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irishkiwi
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« Reply #33 on: 06 February 2010, 04:33:PM »

It is the ownership thing that gets me. And you have to live your life for yourself

See I disagree with that. A person should never just live their life for themsleves.
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Mark Anthony
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« Reply #34 on: 06 February 2010, 04:41:PM »

Next week my partner and I celebrate our 18th anniversary.....yes there have been ups and downs....more ups. Totally committed to each other.

In my experience, a lot of gay and lesbian folk like the 'idea' of monogamy, but don't quite understand what exactly it involves. Of course, 'open relationships' sound like a wonderful idea to some people, mostly those who couldn't possibly commit.

Like Blunt Muffin, my perception of an 'ideal' relationship is based on what I witnessed with my parents, total unquestioning love and devotion.  
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kinda_invisable
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« Reply #35 on: 06 February 2010, 04:42:PM »

See I disagree with that. A person should never just live their life for themsleves.

Equally, they should not give up entirely, their ability to think and do based on their self will.  I believe that the moment you surrender through compromise and through sharing, your ability to think and act as youself, you lose your value and lose the ability to contribute freely to a relationship.  These are things that make us human - truisms about who we are as individuals and thinking people is based on the self.  We pull in, from around us other people, our environments, the thoughts and systems outside of us to form who we are, based on our personal decision-making process.  We should not surrender how we live and think to someone else.  That in my opinion is a lazy and unrewarding basis of living.
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yanto harkness
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« Reply #36 on: 06 February 2010, 04:42:PM »

Knew you would babe. It is a big call. And i do not mean friends and family. I guess i just do not get my worth thru my partner.
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fluffycatsdad
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« Reply #37 on: 06 February 2010, 04:43:PM »

Like Blunt Muffin, my perception of an 'ideal' relationship is based on what I witnessed with my parents, total unquestioning love and devotion.  
Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.
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BluntMuffin
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« Reply #38 on: 06 February 2010, 06:24:PM »

Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.

I am sorry you maybe had to witness such a thing.One of my sister got divorced and the kids were affected by it and I feel for them

I didnt exactly endear myself to my sister because both were to blame and she expected me to be just on her side.I found I couldnt because I was and still am good friends with her ex husband.

While I sort of used my parents as a model for my relationship.It isnt all plain sailing.We have arguments that would peel paint of walls Tongue.But then we old enough and mature( I am I am) to meet each other half way and yes we compromise.Being in a relationship is hard work and alot of effort is required from both parties

However if you are in a relationship with someone that is OPEN and as long as no-one gets hurt .If it works for you and your partner fine.It will never be part of mine

The entire topic was based on how I perceived the story.Matt asked for feedback.

Discussion is healthy but nit picking and then twisting it to suit themselves what I said isnt healthy.Its not discussion when that happens.

Maybe this survey should have been done through NZ gay.com.So it would have been more less one sided.How did the participants in this survey even get included in the survey.
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kinda_invisable
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« Reply #39 on: 06 February 2010, 06:29:PM »

Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.

Or worse.  A loveless marriage spanning many years and no affection for the youngest son because he was an accident between two people who didnt really like each other and were together for catholic fucken values that epitomised family.
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Kaytu
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« Reply #40 on: 06 February 2010, 08:51:PM »

A big challenge for any couple (male/male or male/female or female/female) is when one of them has a preference for monogamy but their partner prefers an open relationship.  It is common in the lesbian community for women to be serially monogmous but no-one is too surprised if there is an overlap between an old partnership and a new one.   Many men with wives seek a bit on the side especially if the wife is tired out with children.  Some say this doesn't damage the relationship if the wife never finds out. 
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The Divine Mistress Potplant
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« Reply #41 on: 06 February 2010, 10:25:PM »

Humans are naturally mildly polyamorous. Monogamy, polyamory, threesomes, casual additional partners and basically all other configurations of relationship are natural and shouldn't be disparaged. As long as there isn't a power imbalance in the relationship/s (barring a consensual power exchange), and as long as there is good clear communication about things like boundaries and what each individual wants out of the relationship/s, there is nothing wrong with non-monogamy. Depending on what's going on it's possibly harder than a monogamous relationship, but well capable of being highly fullfilling for all of the people involved.

Also, one wonders what proportion of non-gay male relationships are non-monogamous. Would be interesting to know.
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Rhysior
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« Reply #42 on: 07 February 2010, 12:52:AM »

It would be wired for me to be in an open realtionship with a middle man. I just don't think that it would work out that well without getting feelings involved...I mean you never really know if the partner as feelings for the middle man or even you your self prefer the middle man as well. I just think it makes things confusing.
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kinda_invisable
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« Reply #43 on: 07 February 2010, 08:15:AM »

It would be wired for me to be in an open realtionship with a middle man. I just don't think that it would work out that well without getting feelings involved...I mean you never really know if the partner as feelings for the middle man or even you your self prefer the middle man as well. I just think it makes things confusing.

You mean middle man = other woman?  I've been a in few situations like that.  The only thing I can say is that it is agreeable to all concerned without the emotional angst.  I would say in my opinion it is preferable and it plays a ummm.....role in cementing the relationship in so many ways.
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irishkiwi
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« Reply #44 on: 07 February 2010, 10:25:AM »

If all in the relationshiop(s) know wats wat and who is shaggin whom, then gr8.

Its when u get the traditional cheating going on. When one sneaks around on the other and there is no "agreement" thats when its wrong.
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