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Daily News Comment => Daily News Comment => Topic started by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 01:24:PM



Title: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 01:24:PM
I just read the story regarding this and I feel it is aload of shit.
I know gay couples who have been together over 5 years and havent had the need to go outside it for sex

My bf and I are close to 4 years together.He is THE ONE.
I dont desire anyone else.Took me 12 years of being single to find him.

We are as much in love now as what we were @ the beginning.We made a commitment to each other and it stays that way,because thats how it is

The problem IMHO is that we all get lumped together in the results of surveys such as the one that was conducted because they asked a bunch of skanky Aucklanders.

Call me old fashioned but its the way I am and I am proud to believe in monogamy and committing to one person :)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: halogen on 06 February 2010, 01:27:PM
Link?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 01:30:PM
Hubby and I have been 2ghter comming up 9 years - and in all that time only ever been jst the 2 of us.

There is a lot of assumptions made about gay relationships - one of the biggest being that becuase its 2 guys there is almost zero chance of them being faithful.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 01:32:PM
Link?


http://www.gaynz.com/articles/publish/25/article_8470.php


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 01:36:PM
Hubby and I have been 2ghter comming up 9 years - and in all that time only ever been jst the 2 of us.

There is a lot of assumptions made about gay relationships - one of the biggest being that becuase its 2 guys there is almost zero chance of them being faithful.

Congrads :)

I agree re assumptions.Its like it s acceptable and the norm thing to do"


Call me old fashioned whatever,I actually dont give a fuk

If youre with someone in a relationship,why be in it if you're looking for sex outside it

Hetero or Homo



Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 01:47:PM
[url]http://www.gaynz.com/articles/publish/25/article_8470.php[/url]


Lol, how can one take an article such as this seriously, when they mispell Auckland and dont realise 50% is half not 53% Lol(quote "Half (53%) of Aucland...")


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 01:54:PM
But its groundbreaking research. lol

I just feel imo that this portrays gay men are all slappers.

"There is quite a serious American book dating from about 1984 called The Male Couple, by McWhirter and Mattison," he recalls. "It says that the gay relationships which are purely monogamous do not last as long as the ones where there is an acceptance of some sexual connection outside the relationship, within delineated boundaries. In their sample, not a single monogamous relationship lasted above about five years."

What a load of shit.Again generalising this statement based on the people surveyed.

I do take this seriously.It paints gay men in a negative light and unable to have monogamous relationships.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 01:56:PM
To be fair I do think gay guys are faaaarrr more active than other grps.

However the idea that we cannot have a long term/life long monogamous because we are gay and shag heaps is rubbish.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: fluffycatsdad on 06 February 2010, 01:59:PM
I just feel imo that this portrays gay men are all slappers.

"There is quite a serious American book dating from about 1984 called The Male Couple, by McWhirter and Mattison," he recalls. "It says that the gay relationships which are purely monogamous do not last as long as the ones where there is an acceptance of some sexual connection outside the relationship, within delineated boundaries. In their sample, not a single monogamous relationship lasted above about five years."

What a load of shit.Again generalising this statement based on the people surveyed.

I do take this seriously.It paints gay men in a negative light and unable to have monogamous relationships.
Is there not more up-to-date research? This article ignores the social setting of the mid-'80s; openly being in a committed gay relationship was still severely frowned upon, and still is, in some parts of the world.

Also, these so-called "monogamous relationships" - what if the men involved in the study were still screwing around WITHOUT an open relationship?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: deep388 on 06 February 2010, 02:00:PM
Firstly, to Bluntmuffin & Irishkiwi: Good for both of you respectively!! :D It It feels so good to see posts from gay men championing monogamy... ^-^

For me this issue is a totally scary one. I would like a truly monogamous relationship, as I like to feel the security of having both the emotional and sexual fidelity from someone, and I will return it if I get it. I am currently single and would like to get "hitched" one day, but there seem to be few gay men out there that want monogamy as I do, so it seems I have to make a choice either to become promiscuous or remain celibate and the former is something I absolutely have no interest in AT ALL. Hopefully, I'll be proven wrong at some point and meet a great guy with the same values, but the cynical part of me is extremely doubtful of that happening.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: fluffycatsdad on 06 February 2010, 02:03:PM
Firstly, to Bluntmuffin & Irishkiwi: Good for both of you respectively!! :D It It feels so good to see posts from gay men championing monogamy... ^-^

For me this issue is a totally scary one. I would like a truly monogamous relationship, as I like to feel the security of having both the emotional and sexual fidelity from someone, and I will return it if I get it. I am currently single and would like to get "hitched" one day, but there seem to be few gay men out there that want monogamy as I do, so it seems I have to make a choice either to become promiscuous or remain celibate and the former is something I absolutely have no interest in AT ALL. Hopefully, I'll be proven wrong at some point and meet a great guy with the same values, but the cynical part of me is extremely doubtful of that happening.
Who wants to write the 21st-century book on the male couple, which discusses the modern concept of monogamy and the possibility of gay "marriage," which has now been opened up to some of us?

And you know you're desperate to prove a point when you have to start quoting from "Queer as Folk," article-writer.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 06 February 2010, 02:04:PM

I do take this seriously.It paints gay men in a negative light and unable to have monogamous relationships.

Why is not being monogomous negative?  If you are not cheating, what is the issue?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 02:06:PM
Why is not being monogomous negative?  If you are not cheating, what is the issue?

That is not wat is being suggested as u full well know.

Wat BM and I are saying is that it IS poss to have a monog. relationshiop and be gay. Not once did we say it was the only way.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 06 February 2010, 02:08:PM
nor did I suggest you said that.

bluntmuffin thinks that gay men not being monogmous paints them in a bad light.  I don't think it does.  So I am asking why he thinks not being monogmous in a relationship (again, not cheating) is such a bad thing.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 02:11:PM
Why is not being monogomous negative?  If you are not cheating, what is the issue?

Anyway...

Read his posts again. Hes not suggesting wat u r saying.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 06 February 2010, 02:24:PM
Hubby and I have been 2ghter comming up 9 years - and in all that time only ever been jst the 2 of us.

There is a lot of assumptions made about gay relationships - one of the biggest being that becuase its 2 guys there is almost zero chance of them being faithful.

There is also a lot of hype that assumes that monogamy is the only reason for couples to keep together.  Because it assumes there are no other pressure on couples challenging their relationship.  Breaking up is not because of a lack of faith within the relationship.  What I find interesting is that commitment or lack of it relies almost exclusively on monogamy.  There is more to it than that.  Anyone who believes that monogamy is the ultimate gel in a committed relationship is sadly mistaken, and probably not realistic enough to pursue it yet.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Fradley on 06 February 2010, 02:26:PM
nor did I suggest you said that.

bluntmuffin thinks that gay men not being monogmous paints them in a bad light.  I don't think it does.  So I am asking why he thinks not being monogmous in a relationship (again, not cheating) is such a bad thing.
It's not, but if one of them in the relationship is more keen on the idea of monogamy, but agreed to the open style of relationship, because they knew the other can't do it, it seems a bit bad for that person, as they will be monogamous, and know that their partner isn't. It would create some issues.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Fradley on 06 February 2010, 02:26:PM
Anyway...

Read his posts again. Hes not suggesting wat u r saying.
He had a valid point IK.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 02:32:PM
He had a valid point IK.

The point that monog. is not the only type of relationship is vaild. Its not for everyone.

That BM was saying if ur not momog. when in a relationship then thats a bad thing is not vaild and he needs to re-read wat was said.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Fradley on 06 February 2010, 02:46:PM
It paints gay men in a negative light


Title: I
Post by: yanto harkness on 06 February 2010, 03:48:PM
No need for monogomy. Like being in a straight relationship


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 03:52:PM
Well guess it makes me old fashioned.My parents have been happily married for close to 50 yrs.Both in early 70's and they still are in love with each other.I am not comparing homosexual as to heterosexual there,but not once have they felt compelled to have sex outside the marriage.Why should it be necessary with gay men to have sex outside the relationship.I personally dont get it.Enlighten me and then state your case.

I personally do not agree with open relationships.Its my opinion.

My first bf when I was 19.He and me battled because he wanted sex outside our relationship.Kicked his asshole to the kerb.

I guess I was just brought up to believe if YOU commit to someone as you do,there should be no need to look outside for extra dick


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Wraythe on 06 February 2010, 03:53:PM
Well guess it makes me old fashioned.My parents have been happily married for close to 50 yrs.Both in early 70's and they still are in love with each other.I am not comparing homosexual as to heterosexual there,but not once have they felt compelled to have sex outside the marriage.Why should it be necessary with gay men to have sex outside the relationship.I personally dont get it.Enlighten me and then state your case.

I personally do not agree with open relationships.Its my opinion.

My first bf when I was 19.He and me battled because he wanted sex outside our relationship.Kicked his asshole to the kerb.

I guess I was just brought up to believe if YOU commit to someone as you do,there should be no need to look outside for extra dick

Totally agree


Title: I
Post by: yanto harkness on 06 February 2010, 04:01:PM
I don't think it says anything about the people in a relationship. I have no issues about monogomy just do not see it as a neccesary part to make a relationship work. And my friends who have been together fifteen to twenty years are all open


Title: Re: I
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:09:PM
No need for monogomy. Like being in a straight relationship

Oh please. If a gay cpl want to be monog. thats gr8, and it is not like being in a str8 relationship. Its being in a relationship where u are xclusive - be u gay or str8.

Or r u suggesting that str8 cpls dont play around on each other, dont have open relationships etc...


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:14:PM
I personally do not agree with open relationships.Its my opinion.

But are u saying those who do not have the same view on relationships as u do are bad?? That not being xclusive is a negative thing? (even if u have a different view on wat relationships shld be).


Title: I
Post by: yanto harkness on 06 February 2010, 04:17:PM
Wow pull back boys. No one is attacking you for your views. No one really cares it seems. All my relationships have been mostly closed, but it is not the big deal for me in a relationship.


Title: Re: I
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:20:PM
Wow pull back boys. No one is attacking you for your views. No one really cares it seems. All my relationships have been mostly closed, but it is not the big deal for me in a relationship.

Im jst pointing out the inacuracy of ur comment is all. ;0)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 04:22:PM
But are u saying those who do not have the same view on relationships as u do are bad??

No I am not saying that.Everyone has their own views and theyre welcome to it.I was commentating on the survey and how it portrays gay males :)

I added my personal view because I think debate regarding this IS healthy.even though I do not understand why people gay/straight/bisexual/trans etcetc (whatever has been added this week i am  unsure :P) who do this,do it or even feel the need



Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:23:PM
Gee, so u werent saying not being monog. is a negative thing.

Oh Ozzzzzzmmaaann!!!! ;0D


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 04:29:PM
Gee, so u werent saying not being monog. is a negative thing.

Oh Ozzzzzzmmaaann!!!! ;0D

That survey portrays gay men in relationships as being slappers :P


Title: I
Post by: yanto harkness on 06 February 2010, 04:32:PM
It is the ownership thing that gets me. And you have to live your life for yourself


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:32:PM
That survey portrays gay men in relationships as being slappers :P

Oh I know u have issues with the study. I jst wanted to clarify smthing RE wat ud posted. ;0)


Title: Re: I
Post by: irishkiwi on 06 February 2010, 04:33:PM
It is the ownership thing that gets me. And you have to live your life for yourself

See I disagree with that. A person should never just live their life for themsleves.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Mark Anthony on 06 February 2010, 04:41:PM
Next week my partner and I celebrate our 18th anniversary.....yes there have been ups and downs....more ups. Totally committed to each other.

In my experience, a lot of gay and lesbian folk like the 'idea' of monogamy, but don't quite understand what exactly it involves. Of course, 'open relationships' sound like a wonderful idea to some people, mostly those who couldn't possibly commit.

Like Blunt Muffin, my perception of an 'ideal' relationship is based on what I witnessed with my parents, total unquestioning love and devotion.  


Title: Re: I
Post by: kinda_invisable on 06 February 2010, 04:42:PM
See I disagree with that. A person should never just live their life for themsleves.

Equally, they should not give up entirely, their ability to think and do based on their self will.  I believe that the moment you surrender through compromise and through sharing, your ability to think and act as youself, you lose your value and lose the ability to contribute freely to a relationship.  These are things that make us human - truisms about who we are as individuals and thinking people is based on the self.  We pull in, from around us other people, our environments, the thoughts and systems outside of us to form who we are, based on our personal decision-making process.  We should not surrender how we live and think to someone else.  That in my opinion is a lazy and unrewarding basis of living.


Title: I
Post by: yanto harkness on 06 February 2010, 04:42:PM
Knew you would babe. It is a big call. And i do not mean friends and family. I guess i just do not get my worth thru my partner.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: fluffycatsdad on 06 February 2010, 04:43:PM
Like Blunt Muffin, my perception of an 'ideal' relationship is based on what I witnessed with my parents, total unquestioning love and devotion.  
Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 06 February 2010, 06:24:PM
Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.

I am sorry you maybe had to witness such a thing.One of my sister got divorced and the kids were affected by it and I feel for them

I didnt exactly endear myself to my sister because both were to blame and she expected me to be just on her side.I found I couldnt because I was and still am good friends with her ex husband.

While I sort of used my parents as a model for my relationship.It isnt all plain sailing.We have arguments that would peel paint of walls :P.But then we old enough and mature( I am I am) to meet each other half way and yes we compromise.Being in a relationship is hard work and alot of effort is required from both parties

However if you are in a relationship with someone that is OPEN and as long as no-one gets hurt .If it works for you and your partner fine.It will never be part of mine

The entire topic was based on how I perceived the story.Matt asked for feedback.

Discussion is healthy but nit picking and then twisting it to suit themselves what I said isnt healthy.Its not discussion when that happens.

Maybe this survey should have been done through NZ gay.com.So it would have been more less one sided.How did the participants in this survey even get included in the survey.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 06 February 2010, 06:29:PM
Or the exact opposite of what some people saw - a long, painful, and bitter, divorce.

Or worse.  A loveless marriage spanning many years and no affection for the youngest son because he was an accident between two people who didnt really like each other and were together for catholic fucken values that epitomised family.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Kaytu on 06 February 2010, 08:51:PM
A big challenge for any couple (male/male or male/female or female/female) is when one of them has a preference for monogamy but their partner prefers an open relationship.  It is common in the lesbian community for women to be serially monogmous but no-one is too surprised if there is an overlap between an old partnership and a new one.   Many men with wives seek a bit on the side especially if the wife is tired out with children.  Some say this doesn't damage the relationship if the wife never finds out. 


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: The Divine Mistress Potplant on 06 February 2010, 10:25:PM
Humans are naturally mildly polyamorous. Monogamy, polyamory, threesomes, casual additional partners and basically all other configurations of relationship are natural and shouldn't be disparaged. As long as there isn't a power imbalance in the relationship/s (barring a consensual power exchange), and as long as there is good clear communication about things like boundaries and what each individual wants out of the relationship/s, there is nothing wrong with non-monogamy. Depending on what's going on it's possibly harder than a monogamous relationship, but well capable of being highly fullfilling for all of the people involved.

Also, one wonders what proportion of non-gay male relationships are non-monogamous. Would be interesting to know.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Rhysior on 07 February 2010, 12:52:AM
It would be wired for me to be in an open realtionship with a middle man. I just don't think that it would work out that well without getting feelings involved...I mean you never really know if the partner as feelings for the middle man or even you your self prefer the middle man as well. I just think it makes things confusing.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 07 February 2010, 08:15:AM
It would be wired for me to be in an open realtionship with a middle man. I just don't think that it would work out that well without getting feelings involved...I mean you never really know if the partner as feelings for the middle man or even you your self prefer the middle man as well. I just think it makes things confusing.

You mean middle man = other woman?  I've been a in few situations like that.  The only thing I can say is that it is agreeable to all concerned without the emotional angst.  I would say in my opinion it is preferable and it plays a ummm.....role in cementing the relationship in so many ways.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 07 February 2010, 10:25:AM
If all in the relationshiop(s) know wats wat and who is shaggin whom, then gr8.

Its when u get the traditional cheating going on. When one sneaks around on the other and there is no "agreement" thats when its wrong.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 07 February 2010, 11:43:AM
That survey portrays gay men in relationships as being slappers :P

This is where you are sending mixed messages.  Slapper is not often used as a term of endearment for strangers.

It does show that gay men are more sexually active in a relationship...but that doesn't need to be seen as a negative.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: uroskin on 07 February 2010, 11:47:AM
Going from promiscuity to monogamy strikes me as a simile to turning your hobby into a job: you may get a better pay off/lifestyle, but it's not good for the soul that wishes to explore.
Disclosure: in a relationship for 20+ years but we have never been monogamous. We never saw the need to. Sex is too much fun to keep to yourselves.
If it works for you, go for it. But don't judge one way or the other how people arrange their sexual affairs among themselves.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: BluntMuffin on 07 February 2010, 11:56:AM
This is where you are sending mixed messages.  Slapper is not often used as a term of endearment for strangers.



It wasnt meant to be a term of endearment.Maybe sluttish is better to use?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 07 February 2010, 12:00:PM
This is my point of mixed messages, you say that open rships not for you, fine but calling people who have them sluts and slappers, and that they are making gay people look bad...there is no need.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: uroskin on 07 February 2010, 01:41:PM
In my experience, monogamous couples are often monumental bores.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: jlcy16@yahoo.co.uk on 07 February 2010, 03:46:PM
The NZAF website
http://www.nzaf.org.nz/files/Sexual_behaviour_in_GAPSS_and_GOSS_2006_samples_Poster.pdf
shows that the sampling were mainly taken from Sauna, Cruise clubs, gay bars and internet dating sites. That's hardly representative of the gay population. I would suggest these are venues that highly promiscuous men visit. I strongly suggest NZAF reevaluate their sampling techniques.

The NZAF should also be aware that publishing results that imply half of NZ gay men are not monogamous can affect behavior too. This can lead men to believe promiscuous behavior is normal practice for gay men, which is detrimental for HIV and STD public health.


Title: Is it
Post by: yanto harkness on 07 February 2010, 04:53:PM
Where else do gay men go?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Caterpie on 07 February 2010, 05:37:PM
This is my point of mixed messages, you say that open rships not for you, fine but calling people who have them sluts and slappers, and that they are making gay people look bad...there is no need.

Yup. Slut shaming is harmful behaviour.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: sappho on 07 February 2010, 05:47:PM
oh my god...  please people, how can this "half of gay men aren't monogamous" be seen as a NEGATIVE comment?!? doesn't this mean "half of gay men are intelligent / emotionally mature enough to negotiate REAL relationships with REAL people, rather than have a kit-set relationship based on society's ideas about what they SHOULD be doing"...?? isn't this better??
in any case, it's hardly just the gay boys. everyone else does it too, it's just that not everyone is honest and ethical about it. speaking as a non-male, non-gay, non-monogamous person...  i would view anyone asking me for monogamy as dis-respectful and immature. negotiating open relationships in a caring and ethical way is not the 'easy option'. it is hard work, especially if you have more than one long-term relationship on the go. but you end up with something worth having, and worth working for. i think most monogamous relationships - across society - ARE short-term. and for the person who said '5 years', honey, that's still short term. ;-)
i'm sure that there are people for whom monogamy works, and is right for them. but they are the minority. i'm not saying that they shouldn't do it, but i see no reason why those of us who aren't wired like that should attempt to emulate them. it's like saying we should all be straight.....  or all be trans....  or all wear six-inch heels, every day....  how silly.


Title: Re: Is it
Post by: kinda_invisable on 07 February 2010, 07:42:PM
Where else do gay men go?

Ask IK ....LOL.  Imagine if NZAF posted two researchers at churches around NZ asking all the men if they would like to participate in a survey... :)  Better yet, at airports hospitals and hair salons maybe.....*giggles...


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: jlcy16@yahoo.co.uk on 09 February 2010, 10:07:AM
Taking an accurate survey is no easy task! Don't get me wrong, I give credit to NZAF for their hard work on safe sex but publishing inaccurate or misleading results can be more harmful than no results at all!

This survey is synonymous to surveying the sex habits of straight men by taking samples from brothels and night clubs. There are very many straight men that do not frequent these places. Similarly, there are many gay men that do not frequent sauna, gay bars or internet dating sites. I have a substantial number of gay friends and we usually spend our time socialising over dinner parties and at each others places and frequently in amongst straight friends.

Logically speaking, a survey just from the Big Gay Out alone should be a more accurate representation as it is much less sex orientated compared to sauna, gay bars and internet dating sites. Also, social clubs like the running, badminton, walking, bridge groups should be considered.

Again, I thank NZAF for their hard work but the sampling spread can definitely be improved.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Luc_Jouret84 on 09 February 2010, 10:08:AM
Stds is a good reason to be monogamous! anyone who looks for sex outside of a monogamous relationship deserves to get an STD as punishment(i am not religious). Also, Dont you poeple read the newspaper?! how many famous people have had there live ruined because of this!

Also, how many long-term coulpes do YOU KNOW that have open relationships? problems, problems and more problems, there is no organisation in New Zealand that deals with the real issues involved with  growing up gay in a straight mans world. Websites like "big bro" and everything they endorse, its all fucking bullshit. Total fucking surface bullcrap. Fucking bullshit.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: X on 09 February 2010, 10:10:AM
What is the "Big Bro" website?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Mark Anthony on 09 February 2010, 10:17:AM
In my experience, monogamous couples are often monumental bores.

Never been described as 'boring' myself, maybe I am mixing with the wrong people.


Title: .
Post by: yanto harkness on 09 February 2010, 10:27:AM
Gay dinner parties. Been to a few. Always want to be shot in the face. Luc, you do not sound christian. You sound stupid. Oh, you do sound christian


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Luc_Jouret84 on 09 February 2010, 10:28:AM
STD's?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 09 February 2010, 10:41:AM
Also, how many long-term coulpes do YOU KNOW that have open relationships? problems, problems and more problems, there is no organisation in New Zealand that deals with the real issues involved with  growing up gay in a straight mans world. Websites like "big bro" and everything they endorse, its all fucking bullshit. Total fucking surface bullcrap. Fucking bullshit.

At least 5, and none of them have STD's.  Welcome to the world of condoms

What ARE the real issues btw?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Kaytu on 09 February 2010, 12:17:PM
The Advocate magazine has an article about two surveys of gay male couples in open relationships and about the evolution of couple relationships to replace the "one man one woman model to ensure male property rights".  The author notes that there are different views on what monogamy means like whether flirting is OK or not etc.  He supports open relationships and seems to view them as more evolved than strict monogamy.  He's not saying that monogamists are dinosaurs though.

See http://www.advocate.com/Society/Commentary/Open_Relationships_Our_Demise_or_Another_Option/ (http://www.advocate.com/Society/Commentary/Open_Relationships_Our_Demise_or_Another_Option/)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 09 February 2010, 12:36:PM
There's probably a continuum of relationship types ranging from the trad wholly monogamous to the polyamorous to open relationships within formal couples to multipartnerdom within gaydom. Traditionally though, social disincentives stunted the development and longevity of monogamous same sex relationships compared to causal sex, so it's not too surprising there's a range of responses, given historical and generational factors. Possibly also class and ethnicity.

Craig ^-^


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Sigi Handy on 10 February 2010, 12:20:AM
Stds is a good reason to be monogamous! anyone who looks for sex outside of a monogamous relationship deserves to get an STD as punishment(i am not religious). Also, Dont you poeple read the newspaper?! how many famous people have had there live ruined because of this!

Also, how many long-term coulpes do YOU KNOW that have open relationships? problems, problems and more problems, there is no organisation in New Zealand that deals with the real issues involved with  growing up gay in a straight mans world. Websites like "big bro" and everything they endorse, its all fucking bullshit. Total fucking surface bullcrap. Fucking bullshit.

What is BS is saying that ANYONE deserves an STI.....that is complete BS IMO..


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Sigi Handy on 10 February 2010, 12:39:AM
Slut and Slapper are loaded arbitrary judgmental terms....they have no place at all in this discussion, I hate both terms.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: calum_v2 on 10 February 2010, 01:03:AM
... This can lead men to believe promiscuous behavior is normal practice for gay men, which is detrimental for HIV and STD public health.

How come why?  Please explain your comment above.  Remember, I deal with people who have lots of sex, many times a day, yet the incidence of STIs in that group is way below that of the incidence rate in the general population.



Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: calum_v2 on 10 February 2010, 01:12:AM
Stds is a good reason to be monogamous! anyone who looks for sex outside of a monogamous relationship deserves to get an STD as punishment(i am not religious). Also, Dont you poeple read the newspaper?! how many famous people have had there live ruined because of this!

Also, how many long-term coulpes do YOU KNOW that have open relationships? problems, problems and more problems, there is no organisation in New Zealand that deals with the real issues involved with  growing up gay in a straight mans world. Websites like "big bro" and everything they endorse, its all fucking bullshit. Total fucking surface bullcrap. Fucking bullshit.

Several, actually (quite a few more than KI states he knows).  And I work with people who have lots of sex many times a day.  Yet the incidence rate of any STI is far lower than that among the general population. 

And yet, monogamous people can have infections that are generally seen as STIs.  That grandmotherly kiss can leave you with oral herpes (i.e., cold sores or ulcers [though not all ulcers are caused by herpes]) or oral warts.  Sharing a glass with someone can leave you with glandular fever or CMV.  Having laundry washed with someone else's can leave you with crabs ...



Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: TheDon on 10 February 2010, 01:19:AM
That grandmotherly kiss can leave you with oral herpes (i.e., cold sores or ulcers [though not all ulcers are caused by herpes]) or oral warts.


Now why did my stomach churn when my I initially read that as anal warts...


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 10 February 2010, 07:48:AM
Now why did my stomach churn when my I initially read that as anal warts...  

Lol, that suggests one hell of a strage grandmotherly kiss ;0D


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: irishkiwi on 10 February 2010, 07:54:AM
Stds is a good reason to be monogamous! anyone who looks for sex outside of a monogamous relationship deserves to get an STD as punishment(i am not religious). Also, Dont you poeple read the newspaper?! how many famous people have had there live ruined because of this!

STIs are NOT a good reason to be monogamous. Love and ones own personal morals yes... STIs???

No one deserves an STI as punishment. If they are messing around on their parter (without the messin around being part of the deal) then they deserve to be dumped, not infected.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 10 February 2010, 08:47:AM
I don't understand this over emphasis on monogamy as if it were an ideal or a prize because of the links to sexual activity.  It is simply an option that many see as preferable for sharing moments, developing friendship, encouraging future plans and goals, delivering combined social and economic benefits.  The sex forms a minimal activity in relationships.  This survey doesn't focus on those other areas of a relationship that are binding, and therefore delivers doubtful information regarding monogamy as an ideal.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Ozman on 10 February 2010, 10:05:AM
Adultery has been a hot topic for heteros for centuries, it has been incredibly important for that long, it is not about to change overnight.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Mark Anthony on 10 February 2010, 10:09:AM
Monogamy is an 'option' surely? There are however a whole range of complex relationships that many people prefer. Monogamy just happens to be one form of relationship that many aspire to, at some point, yet few attain.

Personally speaking, I reached a point in my life when I felt the need for the stability, companionship and love of a mutually exclusive relationship. No moral imperatives are attached to my relationship, and there is no attempt to ape a seemingly heterosexual norm, it is simply a life-style choice.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 12 February 2010, 12:18:PM
It's an option, yeah. Although I'm open to any
discussion of polyamorists in polyfidel* relationships
in this context, which is currently a subject of debate
in Canada, I believe.

*Being faithful to a circumscribed number of partners and
  lovers, greater than one.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 12 February 2010, 12:20:PM
Same here, Mark. I met Mr Right and
the chemistry was good, so I settled
down and depolyandrised myself.

Added to which, some of us are raising
children, which makes the stress and effort
of non-monogamy inadvisable.

Craig 8)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 12 February 2010, 02:04:PM
Same here, Mark. I met Mr Right and
the chemistry was good, so I settled
down and depolyandrised myself.

Added to which, some of us are raising
children, which makes the stress and effort
of non-monogamy inadvisable.

Craig 8)

Hmmmm the raising of children is not reliant on monogamy sweety.  In fact the mummy daddy nuclear family is a recent addition to social relationships.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 17 February 2010, 02:21:PM
I know, but life is much less complicated
this way. And there is such a thing as
hot monogamy (while darling daughter is
away, the dads can play...and often do...)

Craig 8)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: kinda_invisable on 17 February 2010, 02:57:PM
I know, but life is much less complicated
this way. And there is such a thing as
hot monogamy (while darling daughter is
away, the dads can play...and often do...)

Craig 8)

What you do on the weekends is your affair!  ???


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Kafka on 17 February 2010, 02:59:PM
I know, but life is much less complicated
this way. And there is such a thing as
hot monogamy (while darling daughter is
away, the dads can play...and often do...)

Craig 8)

Hot monogamy.  I like that!   8)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: 355 on 17 February 2010, 03:43:PM
Hot monogamy.  I like that!   8)
a similar line is used by evangelical christian churches in the states RE: promise rings
'once you are married and you take it off, you'll have the hottest sex ever!!!'
another tui billboard imho


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 17 February 2010, 03:49:PM
Well, one doesn't have to be polyandrous to
have some (ahem) 'gentlemen's time'..

Craig ;)


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: 355 on 17 February 2010, 03:58:PM
Well, one doesn't have to be polyandrous to
have some (ahem) 'gentlemen's time'..

Craig ;)
'gentlemen's time'?
yeah, sounds hot.


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: uroskin on 17 February 2010, 04:43:PM
a similar line is used by evangelical christian churches in the states RE: promise rings
'once you are married and you take it off, you'll have the hottest sex ever!!!'
another tui billboard imho

When wearing your promise ring you could still have hot butt sex since it doesn't breach your virginity.
Hence the enormous contemporary popularity of str8 anal sex porn?


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: Kafka on 17 February 2010, 04:52:PM
a similar line is used by evangelical christian churches in the states RE: promise rings
'once you are married and you take it off, you'll have the hottest sex ever!!!'
another tui billboard imho

Homo say what?    ^-^


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: jjw on 17 February 2010, 08:27:PM
Quote
I know, but life is much  less complicated
this way. And there is such a thing as
hot monogamy (while darling daughter is
away, the dads can play...and often do...)

FFS, she's the same age as my son, and he's well into his twenties. Tell her to get a place.

J


Title: Re: Monogamy within gay relationships:
Post by: lavendar on 18 February 2010, 11:02:AM
Feh.

[However, Nut the cat likes the idea of
her own seperate feline-oriented palace.
Perhaps Queens Castle?]- HRH Nut