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Sunday 11 October 2009

Standing in the Shadows of Love Love Love

Posted in: NZ Writing
By David Herkt - 30th July 2006

Brad was bored. His old man and Charlie were watching some college baseball playoff on TV and drinking Budweiser. Charlie had lifted a couple of sixpacks from his job at Whitakers like he did every time he mopped down the coolers. Brad could do with a beer but Charlie and his old man weren't offering. They both were near-broke and a six pack each was going to be the minimum they wanted to drink and they weren't going to give him one.

Charlie was always around watching the TV ever since his last girlfriend, Sunita, had cleaned him out of every electronic appliance he had when she left him. Brad had seen her packing her old hatchback when he walked past Charlie's trailer. He'd never told Charlie he'd seen Sunita stowing his video-recorder in the back of her Datsun. But he hadn't thought about it at the time. How was he to know she was doing a runner on Charlie?

It was hot. The Knoxville air was thick and humid. Tennessee was a bitch in summer. The trailers in the trailer-park seemed deserted. No-one was moving round much. Couldn't be bothered, Brad supposed. He was in the annex, where he slept. He could hear Charlie telling his old man that this pitcher was really going to screw the game for them, just watch and see. Someone in the park was playing Eminem, The Real Slim Shady. He could just hear it.

He was looking at the magazines Josh had given him last week. They were mainly auto magazines, Josh being into cars. There were a couple of pornos there but Josh said he wanted them back. Josh said he was in love with the hot bitch in Teen Heat 56. But Brad turned over the pages of Vixens until he got to Madison. He liked Madison. She was a bit more ordinary that the other girls in the magazine but somehow that made her hotter. It said she worked in the hospitality industry. She was still pretty but you knew she had to try harder than the other girls.

He liked the pic of her doggie style with her finger buried up her pussy and that look on her face. The other one he liked was where she had hiked up her dress and pulled down her panties, just showing off. He'd jacked off looking at that one the day that Josh had given him the magazines. And he'd thought about giving Madison one a few times since then.

He had a half-woody. He could feel it in his boxers. It was uncomfortable and if it was going to go all the way, he'd have to hitch it to be more comfortable.
"Brad!" His father was calling him.
"What?" he yelled back.
"Got any smokes?" his father asked.
"No," he said and he didn't.
The old man would just have to smoke the pouch tobacco he kept for emergencies.

He was all sweaty. The annex was always hot and felt even hotter on days like this. He supposed he could go over to Jon's trailer. He hadn't been there for a few days. One day he'd done some work with Mr Falwell who owned the park, just crap work, but he'd got paid in cash. The old man had borrowed half of it but he'd gone out with Josh and Tori to the multiplex to see Die Another Day which was ok if you were in a mood for it but he wasn't. Then the next day he'd just fart-assed around, doing his and the old man's washing then drinking beer with the old man and Charlie until he went to bed.

And anyway, Jon hadn't wanted him to do any deliveries lately. He was clean out of weed and being out of weed always made him shitty. And so there were no little baggies to be delivered to Jon's customers with a little cut of the profits for doing it. Then Jon would probably want to fuck him up his ass as well. They hadn't done it for a week or two and Jon being Jon it was getting around to that time again, and everybody knew it.

It had been Josh who'd fucked it up. One night when he and Jon were just being stoners together, Josh had told Jon about the way he and Brad used to play around together when they were fifteen or so and how he used to fuck Brad up his ass.

It only happened once but the way Josh must have said it to Jon, it would have sounded like he was always turning it up, for Christ's sake. So Jon starts making jokes about it to him. "How's that ass?" he'd ask, "Been getting it lately?"

Then one night after he and Jon had been doing a few pipes and sinking some bourbon and cokes, Jon begins horsing around, and ended up by fucking him up his ass. It had hurt a bit because he'd only done it that once before, but it happened. Jon gave him one of his extra big baggies of weed afterwards on the house.

He hadn't really known Jon that well before. Jon was twenty-six, seven years older than him. The whole trailer-park knew that Jon was selling weed, but most of them were buying it off him as well. He had black hair and he looked a bit like Tom Cruise if Tom Cruise was a bit darker and a stoner.

Jon said he was welcome any time so he'd hang around a bit, in Jon's trailer, especially in the afternoons. Jon would pay him sometimes to do deliveries for him. He'd do them on his board but mainly he did them on this old shitty BMX bike that Jon had lying around. He got to met some interesting people. He'd knock on the door and say 'Jon sent me" then he'd have to sit there being tolerable while they did the whole check-out thing of the baggie, feeling it, sniffing it and then paying him the cash he'd take back to Jon.

There was this pretty girl who lived over the other side of 275 in Sidebrook Ave. He was always hoping she'd ask him to stay for a pipe but she never did. Then there was this car-salesman in a yard who'd always try to interest him in some car or another when he brought round a baggie and didn't seem to care he couldn't even afford a goddamned haircut let alone a car. And there was this old dude, like about sixty or something, that Jon said to be nice to because he was important but Brad could never figure out why he was important. He wouldn't even check the baggie and he'd always tip Brad $5 for the delivery.

Then sometimes he'd be with Jon and Jon'd just reach down and grope his butt and then somehow they'd end up on the bed. He'd never give Jon head though. That was just too gay, sucking someone's dick. Jon stopped asking. So they'd just be there on Jon's bed at the back of the trailer and Jon'd go for it and afterwards he'd always give Brad a baggie for himself.

He dropped the magazines back on the pile, sat up on his bed and laced on his sneakers. Then he stood up and looked at himself in the small mirror.

The old man used to always say he looked like his mother and it wasn't a compliment the way he said it. He guessed he did, based on the photos he had, her not having been much in his life since he was six and sometimes missing birthdays and Christmases now. Last time he'd seen her had been when he was sixteen and they went out for a meal and she just looked tired and bored and wasn't that interested in anything he said.

He had her red-blond hair and her skin definitely. Josh's girl Tori said he was cute but other girls didn't seem to think so. He asked Sondra Anderson out a few months ago but she said no. And before that he'd gone out with Summer McElroy three or four times before she suddenly was going out with this other guy and didn't even tell him, Josh doing the deed after seeing them necking at some club. Josh had told him he was too pretty for most girls but he'd been working on it. He'd got his hair cut real short and he practiced looking different.

"Just going out," he yelled to the old man.
The old man yelled something back but he couldn't hear.
Jon's trailer was across the other side of the park and he stopped in the amenities block on the way. He went into one of the cubicles and dropped his pants. He spat on a piece of the toilet tissue and wiped down his asshole, just in case.

Jon's door was closed but that didn't mean anything. He knocked on it.
"It's me, Brad," he said.
He heard Jon move and unlock the door.

It was cool inside. Jon had this air-conditioner that could turn his trailer into an ice-box if you left it on too long. He'd stayed over once when he'd got really trashed and he woke up naked on Jon's bed with goose-bumps all over, half froze to death and that was the middle of summer.

Jon was wearing his yellow-tinted sunglasses which was a bad sign. The TV was on and he was playing one of his tapes of the original Star Trek series. He had them all except 'Trouble with Tribbles" which he was always talking about because he didn't have a tape of it. He must have seen them all about a million times. His pipe was there on the table with a baggie and by his four mobile phones. Brad reached over and picked up the pack of Marlboros and lit one.

"Help your fucking self," said Jon. They watched Star Trek together for a bit. Jon had all his phones on vibrate and the moment they started moving, he'd pick them up look at the number and then send the call to divert.
"They say the life of a mother-fucking drug-dealer is the life of Riley, but its all a load of bullshit. You spend half your life waiting for god-damned assholes," Jon complained.
"If you're not waiting for the fuckers to pay up after they've asked for credit, you're waiting for the Big Boys to get round to getting you your product."

Jon had girlfriends but they never seemed to stay around long and he didn't really look like he gave a shit. He didn't talk about them much when they were around. They were just there, hanging-out in his trailer for a while, shoving pipes down their throats and drinking Jon's bourbon and wanting to go out somewhere. Then you wouldn't even notice they'd gone until you thought about it one day.

One of his phones vibrated and he picked it up in this bored, shitty way, then all of a sudden he was up and alert.
"Yeah, yeah, I've been waiting," he's saying.
"You better believe I have it and its been burning holes in my pocket for two whole god-damned days.'
He opened the door of the trailer letting in the bright light and the heat.
"Yeah, yeah," Brad could hear him saying outside, as he paced around.
Brad couldn't hear the next bit.
"Usual place. Can do... When? " said Jon outside and in range again.
When he came back and closed and locked the door he was wired.
"Right, Brad my man, lets have a pipe to celebrate.'
He'd packed a pipe, had it himself, coughing all over the place, then tapped it out, packed another, and gave it to Brad.
Jon was all alert now. He pushed up his yellow-tinted glasses on his head. He was focused. He went to the small fridge he had and pulled out some pre-mixed bourbon and coke.
"Want some?" he asked, but he was pouring Brad one anyway.
Brad leaned back on the couch at the end of the trailer with his legs apart smoking another one of Jon's Marlboros.
"Fucking ace," said Jon toasting himself and Brad before he sipped his bourbon. "Your dick been getting some action?"
Brad shrugged. "Yeah, some," he said, though the only action it had been getting lately was hand-action.
"Fan-fucking-tastic," Jon said to himself.
"You rule brother," he said to himself.
"Hot shit," he murmured, sipping his bourbon again
"Only two point five hours and we're onto the mother lode," Jon said to him.
Brad just sipped at his bourbon and coke.

Jon couldn't keep still. He knocked Star Trek on the head and got up and put a CD on. It was Barry White. Jon thought he was cool liking that retro shit.
"I've heard people say that too much of anything isn't good for you," Jon said along with Barry to that first song.
"Can't get enough of your love, babe," he sung along with Barry, looking at himself in the mirror fixed to the trailer wall beside the door.
Brad snorted and swigged at his bourbon.
Jon was practically dancing around the room to fucking Barry White.
"Can't get enough of your love, babe," he was still going.
Then he said 'Fan-fucking-tastic" again.
He came over and stood in front of Brad, his groin at Brad's eye-level.
"And yes, we're onto a good thing today, Brad boy," he said, seriously. "I have been waiting for this one. This one is the big score.'

He stood there for a bit looking down at Brad while he finished his cigarette and stubbed it out into the Wild Turkey ashtray. "Maybe you and I should move to the master bedroom," he said, in a cool, casual way, like he was Barry White while still looking down at Brad,
"Fuck, Jon," said Brad, like he was complaining.
"An ass is an ass," said Jon, like he was saying something important.
He sort of brushed his hand over Brad's hair.
"You and I are in luck today," he said. 'We have it so sweet," he was saying. 'We are entering the country of riches.'
He always talked this kind of shit when he was happy.

Brad could feel his dick stirring a little in his boxers. The song changed and the dim trailer with its closed blinds somehow changed with it.

"Come on," Jon said. And god-damn if Brad didn't find himself putting down his bourbon and starting up.
Jon walked down the length of the trailer to the double bed there at the end. When he was there Brad kicked off his sneakers. Jon watched his as he fumbled with his belt, unzipped his fly and pulled down his jeans.

They always did it the same way. He'd get his jeans off then Jon would come close and sort of push him down the bed, then pull apart his legs and then lie on top of him with his face down the side of Brad's and just hump him for a while.
The fucking stupid retro shit was still playing. He could smell Jon who liked wearing what he called colognes and had about six different sorts. And he could feel his dick hard in his boxers while Jon was humping on top of him, his dick feeling the thick denim of Jon's jeans through the satin of his boxers.
Then Jon got up kneeling there between Brad's outspread legs, undid his belt, unzipped his jeans and pulled them and his boxers down to mid-thigh level, showing off his dick.

It was bigger than Brad's. And where Brad was circumcised, Jon wasn't. It stuck out at 90 degrees upward from that neat bush of black hair. It wasn't thick but it was a good shape. Jon had big balls as well. Then he sort of rolled over on his back and tugged his jeans and boxers down his legs. Then still wearing his T, he pulled down Brad's boxers, Brad closing his legs and lifting up his butt to help.
Then Jon lay on top of him again and humped him except this time their dicks were sliding up and down next to each other. Brad could feel Jon's pubic hair against his dick-head, and the warmth of Jon's dick sliding alongside his.

They didn't kiss. Jon sometimes sort of mouthed at his shoulder but they had never ever kissed.
"And take off that brassiere my dear," sung fucking Barry White, "This night we're going to get it on."
Jon got his dick down further, so it went under Brad's balls. Brad moved his thighs to close in on it.
"Mmmmnph," said Jon and he fucked himself between Brad's thighs.
Then he rolled off Brad, onto his back, his hand going down and playing with himself looking at Brad. Brad started playing with himself too, humping his butt a little as he forced his dick through his fist. Jon was just jerking off lazily, just there watching Brad jack-off.

They did that for a while, easy in the cool air-conditioning which cut the heat a little though you could always feel the hot day outside and the sun on the roof of the trailer.

The light around the edges of the blinds was bright. Underneath Barry White, Brad could hear someone in the trailer park shouting something to someone else, but it was way back in the mix. Jon reached over and pulled up Brad's T. Brad sat up a little and let him lift it up and pull it over his head. Then Jon took off his own T. Jon was sort of skinny but not too skinny. He had a tiny bit of chest hair, just a few streaks in the middle. He had this gold cross on a chain around his neck. He reached over and let his hand rest on Brad's waist for a second, before going down, going over his dick, rubbing it with this palm's flat for a sec, before going down further, over his balls and, as Brad widened his thighs to help, underneath so that his finger was under there and rubbing up against Brad's asshole.
"I'm never going to give you up, I'm never ever gonna stop," the song was going.
"Doggie-style, huh?" said Jon, like they ever did it any other way.

Brad rolled over and got himself on all-fours. Jon got round behind him and reached over and pulled open the drawer of the built-in bedside table and pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube.
Brad just knelt there on all fours waiting while Jon tore open the condom and put it on himself. He just waited, feeling air between his legs, and then Jon started running his fingers between his butt, gently just stroking him like you'd stroke a girl's pussy. Brad closed his eyes and just felt it, just felt Jon's fingers in the little bit of hair he had there, against his skin, just running up and down there like it was tickling but a deeper feeling than that.
Then Jon squeezed some lube on his fingers and started rubbing Brad there and slowly finding him and pushing gently inside. Brad could feel Jon's finger there, inside of him, working itself around, half-turning inside and going further. He could feel it in his dick. If he dropped his head and looked, he could see himself hard, stretching up along his stomach, and between his legs he could see glimpses of Jon's thighs.
Then he felt the bed move as Jon positioned himself close to him and he readied himself, waiting, until he felt Jon's dick right up against him, wriggling his butt a little so it was positioned right.
At first it was a little awkward as he tried to get it right, the angle and everything, but Jon just pushed it in and he pushed back and eventually Jon was up there a bit, feeling big inside of him, stopping things. Jon eased off then, and waited while his hands holding Brad around his waist stroked him a bit.

Brad knew exactly what was going to happen now. Jon would stay there, letting him get used to having his dick up his ass, and then, in a minute, when he was ready, he was going to push it all the way in in one stroke. It always hurt but it felt good at the same time.
Brad waited for Jon to do it. Jon's fingertips moved on Brad's waist.

"Someone I can give my love to," Barry White was going.
Then Jon just suddenly pushed his dick up, grunting as he did, all the god-damned way up, right until he couldn't go any further. Brad stifled a cry, practically biting his lower lip to stop being too loud. Jon's dick just slid all the way in, making his whole body react, making him shiver but feel full at the same time.

And then Jon fucked him. He just went in and out and Brad could feel the closeness of Jon's groin against his butt-cheeks when he was all the way in, and he could feel it pulling out and then that slam in again that he could feel all the way up inside of himself.
Jon took it easy for a while and just fucked him sort of slowly but you could tell he was building up. His rhythm got a bit faster and harder and Brad was grunting everytime he went in then. It was like Jon's dick was slamming against a bit of himself that was going to make him come sooner or later if he let it.
He could always tell when Jon was getting ready to come, because he'd reach down and hold Brad's dick, sort of playing with it, but more using it to make him change the position of his butt a little, getting it just right, and Jon'd lean over him a bit more closely like some dog humping another one, just using his hips, and fucking going for broke there, fast, in and out, and hot and hurting but not too much.

Jon's dick was easily moving up inside of him on the slide of lubricant and with the warmth of Jon's fingers and the hitting of Jon's dick against his insides, pounding it out there, he could feel the jism build up inside of him and he squirmed to get Jon's fingers in the right place and his butt in the right place.
"Standing in the shadows of love love love love," began a new track.
He felt the cum turn around inside of him and hold itself back before he was making noises as he came between Jon's fingers and Jon himself began to grunt more and he came too. Brad could feel the change, Jon making this longsound and finally collapsing on his back for a second, before pulling out which was a sudden bright pain.

Then Jon flopped down on his back and he fell on his side and they were both panting there, their skins damp with sweat, on the bed, in Jon's trailer.

Brad's cum was on the bed-cover. He could see it, those white blobs. Jon was still on his back, just breathing, then he eased his condom off. Brad could just see him peeling it off. Then Jon leaned over him and dropped it in the bedside ashtray. He pulled a towel up off the floor and rubbed it between Brad's butt. Brad could feel the roughness of the cotton. Jon wiped his own fingers and hands then gave the towel to Brad.
Brad wiped up his cum off the bed, sort of smeared it really, then delicately wiped his own dick, being careful because the rough towel always hurt. Then he dropped the towel back on the floor, sort of avoiding Jon's gaze because he felt embarrassed now a little bit and weird, but good at the same time.

Jon picked up the smokes and the lighter that were always there beside his bed.
He always lit two cigarettes then, both in his mouth at once, puffing on them until they were lit, then he passed one to Brad, as he hitched himself around to lie straight on the bed, one hand down there in his groin beside his dick which was already softening, and just idly scratching at his black, glossy pubic hair.
Brad pulled himself up the bed too, his butt still feeling a bit sticky with lube, and he dragged on the Marlboro.
Jon glanced over at him, his dark eyes shiny.
"Fucking fantastic day, Brad-boy," he said. 'Fan-fucking-tastic, mother-fucking, ace-in-the-hole, shit-eating, cock-sucking, ass-fucking, A-grade day. We are in the land of limitless wealth, now. We are gunna be stars. We are on the brink of something big here.'

He dragged on his cigarette, exhaling at the ceiling.
"And you better believe it," he said looking over at Brad suddenly so their eyes met, and holding that glance for a second, and Brad finding himself shy and dropping his gaze, and just scratching at his own pubic hair like that is what he intended to do all along.
Jon was staring at the ceiling, his gaze lazy now, thinking about things, about something else.
"Cool," he said, "everything is very, very cool." welcomes short-format writing based on the joy of being gay or lesbian, whether it be verse, essays, anecdotes or personal insights.
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David Herkt - 30th July 2006