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Wednesday 08 April 2009

Where's the strangest place you've had sex?

Posted in: True Stories
By Compiled by Matt Akersten - 26th July 2008

Ten gay, lesbian and bi New Zealanders share their risqué stories of sex in unexpected places.

Bowling a Maiden Over by Suzie, 50

My friend was a keen sports fan and always wanted to play at the Basin Reserve in Wellington. She'd never get to Lords, and the Basin was the next best cricket ground. So one warm summer's night after a few drinks, Mel and her girlfriend for the night claimed their share of the turf. A top came off, trousers were undone, and the lusty maidens gave the pitch a good rolling over. Some time later - appetites fed - the pair staggered off home.

Hostel Heat by Andrew, 24

A couple of years back I lived in a hostel, and one night the guy I was seeing went to a late movie and then went back to my hostel but couldn't go to my room as I shared it with others. So we hung around chatting with some people and so forth and at about 2am decided to see if the upstairs communal lounge was empty (the one without security cameras). It was, so we locked the door (a mere formality as everyone's key opened it) and made use of the couches up there. I'm not sure how I would have explained that had anyone decided to do some late night study or watch some TV!

Handles In All the Right Places by Jay, 23

The weirdest place I've had sex I'd have to say is in a disabled shower.

Although it was weird it was some of the best... Handles and railings in all the right places, not limited to a confined cubicle type shower not to mention they expect weird noises to come out of one!

Backseat Rock & Roll by Kitten, 25

My girlfriend and I were on a road trip to Wellington, where we were staying in a friend's lounge and therefore being (temporarily) respectfully celibate. We went out on the town one night and drank like a couple of fish. We reached the stage where we were practically asleep on our feet and swaying around the bar so we headed back towards our friend's place. But we couldn't raise anyone in the house (they were passed out drunk) so we ended up drunkenly crawling into the back of our car...

Being Wellington in winter it was freaking cold so of course we were hugging for warmth, with only one small blanket... one thing to led to another thing, then another... and there was suddenly a bit of backseat rock and roll. When we woke up in hungover agony the next morning to sun blasting in from the car window, we suddenly realised where we had parked the day before - right smack in front of a primary school!

We grabbed our hastily flung-aside pieces of clothing and scooted out of the car, and were quickly able to wake someone up in the house, before dozens of schoolbag-wearers had their youthful innocence well and truly shaken up... or perhaps before we were arrested...

Things (Not) To Do in Scotland by William, 27

My strangest place is the Scott Memorial in Edinburgh. As you depart Waverley Station on Waverley Bridge and turn right towards Princes Street (the main shopping street in Edinburgh) on your left is a large gothic dome thing with the seated figure of the writer Sir Walter Scott facing out to Princes Street.

I was walking home from a gay place along Princes Street with someone and somehow we ended up climbing the rails into Princes Street Gardens for a bit of a fumble. This then ended with us climbing the memorial and I received a blow job sitting at Sir Walter's feet (or maybe in his lap, details are a little fuzzy). Then an attack of nerves made me climb down in too much of a hurry and I fell off the bottom step badly twisting my ankle, meaning I spent the next day laid up in bed with my ankle bandaged by a very capable friend of mine.

The boy and I never got to finish our liaison - he didn't believe how much pain I was in and went home in a huff.

Branching Out by Dink, 47

At a friend's BBQ, I met this cute younger man, we snuck up this huge oak tree in full leaf , everyone was below us partying, we climbed to the highest, thickest branch we could manage and shook a few leaves loose!

Desk Job by Jenny, 40

My partner and I were feeling horny on a Friday night after the pub, and it was too far to home so we headed for the office. Did you know that office desks are just the right height for a quick fuck? And that the smooth wooden expanse of the boss's desk feels so smooth and good under a naked bum? We were careful to wipe the desk off afterwards!

Enjoying the Outdoors by Max, 21

Awhm, please don't judge me by my story. It sort of happened spontaneously. Well it was to me, but apparently my ex had planed the whole thing himself and hooked me in just like a cute 'lil puppy dragged on by his master.

This happened when we were on a road trip down to the south island, along the West Coast. We stopped by this waterfall (I can't remember the name, but I remember it was the biggest waterfall - according to the Lonely Planet guide). After a long walk from the car, deep into what seemed to be a jungle, we found this massive waterfall. A few pics were taken to remember the place.

Then my partner randomly said he'd like to 'explore' the area a bit more. He jumped in a bush by the way which we'd walked in and rushed me to follow. I did as soon as he disappeared in the bush and I was thinking to myself what is up with him today? And why am I doing this to myself?

It took me a while to find him, but then there he is waiting for me by this rock, naked... I was shocked by this big surprise but still somehow manage to process this situation (:-P) and what supposed to happen happened.

It was the most hilarious experience, now thinking back, that I will never forget. There you go, that's my story. Again, don't judge me for it…

Random Pit-Stop by David, 33

I was drunk from a bar, and I was walking home, and I just met this guy on the street, he was walking home as well. I didn't know who the hell he was, but he was hot. So I just said: "Do you want to have sex?" And he was like "Okay".

Neither of us wanted to go back to our houses, so we did it in a car park! Like, a multi-level one. In the shadows.

The next morning, I was like "what have I done?" I regretted it, actually. It was as seedy as anything. But I didn't do anything dangerous… well apart from the risk of someone seeing us.

A Taxi Affair by Michael, 46

I was on Rhodes, a beautiful Greek Island, after six months of enforced celibacy teaching in an aluminium smelter in Turkey.

An old friend in San Francisco sent me a letter, with a tab of acid behind the stamp. I dropped the trip and went out. Rhodes had a small gay bar in the old part of the city. I left at closing time, around 3am. At the end of the alley was a tall sexy man, a little older than me maybe late 20s, with a Mercedes taxi "Want a ride?" "Thanks but I'm just staying round the corner" "OK, but do you want a ride?" he asked as he smiled at me and came closer, rubbing his crotch "Just a little tour, for free" In my drug-addled state it took me a second to figure out what he meant. I smiled back "Oh, yeah a ride, that'd be good".

So we set off, out of the town, driving in the country, me tripping my brains off, sucking the cab driver off as he drove after six months of looking but no touching. We drove and drove, and finally came to a stop. He was kissing me and undressing me. "Get out" he said and we both did.

He opened the boot, and told me to put my clothes in it. I started to strip and throw my clothes in, then suddenly had drug-fuelled panic about being left naked by an old quarry miles away from anywhere in the countryside on Rhodes, but I didn't need to worry. He put his clothes in too. We got back in, he opened the skylight, put the seats back and we fucked for what seemed like hours. He dropped me back at my pensione after dawn.

Compiled by Matt Akersten - 26th July 2008