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Author Topic: I've changed my mind, I no longer wish to be gay...  (Read 599 times)
byinviteonly
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Posts: 48



« Reply #60 on: Today at 08:01 AM »

An ex of mine was informed by a certain counsellor he was seeing at the time that there was either gay or str8.  He was never informed by the counsellor of anything else.  He was, at that time, going out with a woman, but having fantasies about guys.  So he thought he was gay, and made the adjustments, etc., and came out as, as you have so eloquently put, a raving queer.  Lived with a guy, but had fantasies about women, and couldn't understand why.  So separated, and went out with another woman,  ... and, you guessed it, had fantasies about guys, came out again, played around a bit, met me, and we moved in together (his mother took a dislike to me after she realised I was the man stealing her son away).  But he again started having fantasies about women.  He became withdrawn and moody,  but eventually talked to me about it.

He had gone through the in the out, then in then out then in thing.  The str8, gay, str8, gay, str8 thing.  Each time he moved from one to the other he fully thought he was gay or str8.  And this was simply because of what he had been told.  

When we talked, our relationship was already coming to an end because of what had been happening with his in/out, str8/gay yo-yo.  He was genuinely surprised that there was that large grey area in between str8 and gay called bisexual.  He was also hung up on monogamy, but that's something else entirely.  After we split up, he tried the str8/gay thing again, but then realised he is bisexual (then got over his monogamy thing as well), so he met up with a bi woman, and they play well with others of either gender, on a regular basis.

There are all sorts of things that have to be considered.  Sexuality isn't made up from one gene alone, but a mixture of a number of things, including genes, epigenetics, hormones, environment, etc.  

There is a greater propensity towards bisexuality than is generally realised.  However, some people sublimate this side of their personality.  There are a number of studies that have set out to prove that gay can become str8.  One of the more notable was that of Pattison and Pattison, 1980 (abstract at http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/abstract/137/12/1553).  The 11 men who were the subjects were selected from over 3000 profiles available through Exodus International.  But it was not a random selection.  It was the 11 out of the 3000+ who had been the most successful in the eyes of Exodus International.  Of the 11, only 3 were "functionally heterosexual"  though they also had "some evidence of neurotic conflict".  Of that three, only 2 had moved to Kinsey 1 or two.  These two, Michael Busee and Gary Cooper, later left Exodus (prior to the completion of this study), and moved in with each other.  They told their story on One Nation Under God (Maniaci, & Rzeznik, 1993).

If their re-orientation programme was so successful, why limit it to only 11 people?  What about the other 3000+?  Surely there should have been more than 11 people if their programme was truly successful.  But there weren't.

This indicates that reorientation programmes do not work.

There have been cases where someone has claimed some form of compensation due to becoming gay after a hit on the head (rarely, if ever becoming str8 after being hit on the head).  This could be because they were bi or gay before hand, but, being married (due to societal/family pressure) couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it until the had such an accident.  Or it could be some form of damage to the amygdyla (which seems to have some attachment to sexual behaviour, though damage to this is more likely to cause aspergers), or the hypothalamus, or other part of the brain that affects sexual behaviour or attraction.

Calum


Nice post. Well said.

I tend to agree with alot of it.
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