Hooking up on the net
By Matt Akersten
12th December 2006 - 12:00 pm
Ten New Zealand guys told us their favourite stories of good, bad and downright scary experiences in their quest to find love and sex online.
Ever since we got the internet at home when I was 17, I've met a number of guys from websites – and I always insist on a photo.
Prior to the internet, I'd meet guys off the Hot Gossip chatline. Surprisingly, 95% of them were hot, or at least, alright-looking. I thought with the internet, and pictures, I'd be able to filter out those who had an aesthetic deficiency.
However, it seems with the advent of digital cameras and ‘photoshop', the camera never tells the truth, and everyone is suddenly beautiful.
I can't count the number of times that I've said the line:
"Yeah, your photos looked a lot better online. Sorry, but this just isn't going to work."
Naturally though, I too use photoshop!
I've been on NZDating about 3 and a half years now. I'd say I've met about 50 people if I was being honest… but that doesn't mean I've had sex with all of them!
I've got a story where I was really scared at the time. I met someone in a semi-rural area at night.
He said to meet me by this school, so I did. He arrived in a car and said jump in. So we chatted a bit, while he was driving. He then said, ‘can I touch your cock?' And I was like ‘I'm not too comfortable about that in the car!' He was like ‘why not'? I then I said I'm just not okay. We were then driving into the middle of nowhere, and I was suddenly like – ‘take me back please, I'm not too comfortable here'. He then turned the car around and dropped my back to my car.
I'm much more cautious now than I used to be. I try to meet in more public places, and not the middle of nowhere!
But, generally my experiences have been really great, and I've met a lot of fantastic people. I think everyone knows about safe sex, but sometimes people get a little complacent – I'm not sure of the reasons why.
It was Christmas Eve and I had returned home to spend Christmas with my family in my hometown. After spending the early evening with my family I went to bed, only to find myself logging on to a gay internet chat site to see who was around.
I got a message soon after by someone who claimed to be in my area. I clicked on their profile and up popped the details and a photo. And I recognised the guy. He was one of my friends' fathers - and my old church pastor. I had since left the church, but was concerned that someone else might be using his picture.
After a few carefully worded questions, I worked out he really was my mates father and my old church pastor... I owned up to who I was, and he said he had always wondered - even had had fantasies about me.
Then he asked me if I still wanted to go over to his place...
I said no...
And I stopped using the internet for about 3 weeks!
I have a story about a guy I met. But to this day I don't have any idea what he looked like. I was blindfolded the whole time.
I went to his hotel room. He answered the door with a mask on. He led me to the bed, where he blindfolded me and then we started getting it on.
He removed his mask and I could feel the shape of his face. And we had the most unbelievable, amazing sex.
After, he escorted me to the door, with the blindfold still on. We never spoke. And I never saw his face. But it remains to this day the most erotic experience of my life.
I arranged a hook-up with this straight guy. He had a really hot body. And he was adamant that we should we discreet. He told me that he didn't want his girlfriend to know – he just wanted to come around and wank off with me over straight porn.
Trying to respect his demands for discretion, I asked my flatmate to hide in his room while I answered the door, which he graciously did. An hour later, he left, walking past my flatmate, who was watching Desperate Housewives in the lounge.
When the guy left, my flatmate said “He's not f**king straight, he's the biggest slapper in town! Just last week, he asked me to come around and shave him!”
Turns out, the reason he wanted to be discreet wasn't because he was straight, but was due to his very high profile in the local gay scene, where he didn't want his reputation tarnished.
My Partner and I decided to see what it was like to have a threesome, so we advertised on NZ Dating.
We were upfront about what we wanted: 18-30, reasonable looks, and a sense of fun, for some no strings fun.
We got a reply from a guy who described himself as 30yo, 6ft, 80kg, dark, and good-looking. We had asked for a picture, but he didn't send one.
So we asked him to come over. He arrived and basically, OMG, he was pasty, paunchy, thinning with a very bad hair dye job, and nasty teeth! Oh and he was 50!
Now what to do? Well funnily enough we didn't ‘go there'!
So now we insist on pictures! We don't mind a bit of age stretching, but 20 years is pushing it!
On the bright side, have also had some fantastic experiences, and some hot, hot sex. Who knew straight boys love threesomes with guys, LOL.
So while sometimes it may not work, other times it may, just a case of going with the flow, and don't have high expectations.
I felt a bit stupid when I made my advertisement on a love website. I worried at the time that one of my friends or colleagues would see me on there and give me grief. It was three years ago now.
I went on a couple of ‘dates', they were bad, and I felt I was wasting my time. Then I met someone wonderful – and we're still together, three years later.
I just feel so glad I tried it, as it's scary to think I wouldn't have met my darling man without the internet. All the initial embarrassment and time-wasting was well worth it!
I was the first in my group of friends to try the love websites. Now we've all tried them, but with very mixed results!
When I first came out I wasn't sure of the best way to meet guys. I knew they were out there, I just didn't know how to reach them, and I didn't fancy going to LGBT nightclubs by myself in the hope of meeting new people in the hope of a relationship. In the first week that I started using the NZ Dating website, I was surprised at how many replies I received. Guys seemed very eager to chat to me - I was the belle of the ball! I soon realised, however, that that is just what happens to new users. I had been lulled into a false sense of popularity!
I ended up using NZ Dating on and off for about a year, and became quite addicted to it. I found myself spending far too much of my spare time logged in so that I could receive messages, and having conversations with guys that went nowhere. Even the ones whom I did eventually meet in person seldom seemed interested in taking things further, which I considered a waste of my free time, so I gave up using NZD.
I hooked up with a few guys in the course of that year and had a bit of fun, and it took a little bit of getting used to the concept of meeting someone off the internet for the first time, but I wouldn't say I had any bad experiences. A few were maybe a little disappointing, but not completely tragic.
These days I find it much easier to meet guys through my social circles, social groups, and events. Hell, it's actually easier to meet a guy in a nightclub, because at least I know what I'm going to get straight away.
One Christmas Day, my friend and I were bored – it was Wainui! So we logged online and ended up at a dating website. We decided to meet a guy… and ended up picking up in the car someone who seemed like a bit of a dickhead and was very closeted.
He was in the backseat as we were heading down the coast. I turned to my friend and said in a very cold voice: “Did you bring the axe?!”
My friend responded “Yes. And also the big black bag.”
I then looked into the rear-view mirror and the guy's face went white.
Of course we were only joking! But those two seconds of fear were hilarious.
I met my best friend online. I was 17.
Initially, it was only supposed to be for a hook-up. However, when he came around to my place, during our small talk before ‘the act', I found out he worked with a good friend of mine.
The guy I was meeting was so far back in the closet he was in Narnia. And he freaked that I would ‘out' him.
So naturally ‘the act' didn't happen. But we ended up having an amazing conversation, and I felt something click.
The next day, I asked my friend who worked with him if she could guess which one of her workmates I met for a hook-up the day before. Straight away, she guessed correctly, but I respected his wishes and wouldn't confirm she was correct.
We chatted on MSN on and off over the next four years, during which he slowly came out. I always still felt that connection to him, and we developed mutual friends.
Then one day, we ended up sitting at the beach throwing rocks in the water and talking about everything. At that moment (three years ago now) we became inseparable. And he's been my best friend since then.
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