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Family Matters
"How do I meet guys like me?"
27th December 2007 - 12:11 am

An anonymous email to

I'm a 19-year-old gay guy in Auckland. I want to go out to the gay bars and clubs, but it seems like everyone there takes drugs, and I don't like drugs.

I want to meet gay guys like me, without going onto the sex websites. I've slept with a fair number of guys but want to meet someone cool. What can I do?

Jacquie Grant responds:

You say it seems like everyone takes drugs at Gay venues and you do not like it, first let me say that is a sweeping statement to make and although I know there is to much drug taking in all walks of life I don't think for a minute it is a majority thing.

If you do not like that scene there are other Gay groups you could interact with especially in Auckland, gay sporting groups, tramping etc, religious groups, rainbow political groups etc [see link below]. I suggest you join some of these different organisations and broaden your horizons and am sure you will meet others who think like you, then you can build a social base of people you can go clubbing with and feel secure.

AJ Marsh responds:

Dear Anonymous, it may seem like everyone at gay bars and clubs are taking drugs, but I never see it. Plus, if it's happening, the management of the bar or club should be aware of it and I hope to God that they're actively trying to stamp it out. You'll find that most LGBT people who go to bars and clubs don't take drugs and wouldn't expect you to either.

Do you want to meet guys for sex? If so, then what's wrong with sex websites? They serve a purpose - you go on there to find a shag. If you want to meet guys for dating, which at 19 is probably a far better idea than looking for random hook-ups, there are sites for that too. A great way to meet people is through friends or at parties. There are also lots of LGBT organisations around that cater to different tastes and hobbies - you can find details of them on this website [see link below]. If you're reluctant to go to the bars and clubs because you have seen too much drug taking, which I have to say does sound really strange to me, then maybe you're hanging out with the wrong type of people and need to find better mates to go with.

If you really want to meet someone interesting and cool, save up and go on your OE, or just have an extended holiday across the Tasman.

Bill Logan responds:

Once upon a time there was a Beautiful 19-year-old Fairy who lived in the forest and wanted very much to find his Handsome Prince. His Fairy Godfather told him that he would have to kiss a lot of frogs, and so, as our Beautiful Fairy went about his daily life in the forest, he met and talked to the occasional frog, and actually quite a lot of them seemed amiable, so he kissed them. Some of the kissing was pleasant enough, but none of them turned into a Handsome Prince, and eventually he simply found he'd run out of eligible frogs in the forest.

Our Beautiful Fairy became quite despairing. So one fine day he got in touch once more with his Fairy Godfather at, who said to him: "Well, beloved Beautiful Fairy, if you want to find a lot of frogs to kiss, you are not going to find them in your daily life in the forest. You must go down to the frog ponds."

"But I don't like frog ponds," said the Beautiful Fairy. "There's one kind of pond where a lot of the frogs are on drugs, and there's another kind of pond where they all want to kiss before we've even had a conversation."

"Hmm," said the Fairy Godfather. "Beloved Beautiful Fairy, let me give you one precious gift." And with that the Fairy Godfather waved his wand. Now the Fairy Godfather had a very big wand, but he waved it discretely so as not to frighten any of the creatures of the forest, and a brilliant milky white jewel appeared.

"What's that?" asked the Beautiful Fairy, who briefly mistook the jewel for something else.

"This is the Precious Jewel of the Confidence to say 'No'," said the Fairy Godfather. "If you've got this jewel with you, you can be safe at any pond in the world. You can say 'No' to any offer of drugs. And you can say 'No' to any kissing until you've had enough conversation to know that you want to kiss."

And so our Beautiful Fairy started visiting both kinds of frog ponds, taking in his pocket the Precious Jewel of the Confidence to say "No". And he discovered at the first kind of pond that not quite so many of the frogs were on drugs as he had expected. And at the other kind of pond he discovered that it wasn't too difficult to hide from those frogs who want to kiss even before there is a conversation. And, of course, he sometimes used the Precious Jewel of the Confidence to say 'No'.

He met many, many frogs—fine, friendly frogs—and he had some of the most wonderful kissing. In fact the kissing was so good that the Beautiful Fairy almost forgot that he was looking for his Handsome Prince. But then one day, as they were kissing, the sixty-ninth frog suddenly turned into a Handsome Prince—the most perfect prince that the Beautiful Fairy had ever seen.

And they got married and lived happily ever after.

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