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Thursday 09 October 2008

My first love

Posted in: True Stories
By - 3rd January 2008

Five gay/lesbian New Zealanders remember the first time they fell head-over-heels for someone of the same gender.


Daniel, 31

The first time I fell in love with another guy was when I fell for my best friend.

I found myself attracted to him from the day that I met him, and was pleased when we became fast friends. We spent every other day together, hanging out after work and got together on the weekends as well to drink, watch movies, and talk about our lives. He was frustrated with work. I was frustrated with work. We had a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. We became very, very close. The only problem was that he was straight!

I never told him how I felt, and my love for him was never reciprocated, obviously. I had had numerous crushes on guys when I was growing up (all of them straight), but I had never felt this way towards anyone else. He moved overseas a few years ago, and I wept every morning in the shower for a few weeks because I felt so lonely without his company. It was then that I decided never to fall for straight men ever again. It's just too painful!

I'm a lot happier these days, now that I've made that decision. Years later, he is now back in the country and we are still the best of friends, but those feelings that I had for him are gone. I'll always have fond memories of those days that I felt in love with him, but I'm glad that that's all they are now.


Andy, 25

I was a 13-year-old boy just coming to terms with his sexuality. I had decided at that stage to not force images of girls into my head when I masturbated and just go with what I really wanted.

Mum and I would drive into town after dinner most nights to do her cleaning jobs. My favourite was the place where he worked.

He was usually always one of the last ones to leave, and I'd always peak down the hall to see if his light was on every time we arrived.

Early thirties, mouse-brown hair that was always well cut, deep brown eyes that pierced your eyes like lasers each time they connected.

"I'll do my usual area," I'd tell mum. Little did she know that I wouldn't let her into his office for anything!

He sat behind his desk with his eyes fixated on the screen. When I walked in he always managed to pull away just long enough to smile, and let me empty his bin or vacuum under his feet.

He was my first love, although I only knew his name from peeking in his rubbish after I'd cleared it.

Mum left that job a few months later and I never saw him again. I wonder where he is now. I wonder if he remembers me.


Kitten, 24

How I fell for my girl . . . (a girl meets girl at a bar love story!)

I was 23, recently out, had hooked up with one girl, was feeling confident - and on the prowl!

She was a bartender at the city's main gay bar. I recall first spying her through the window making a drink and thinking, mmm yeah, she's super hot.

One night a mutual friend introduced us on the dancefloor, where she, all cute and half-drunk, grabbed me and had me dancing with her. The double-shot of her stunning eyes and sexy accent had me groggy.

She played it cool... and loving a challenge, I became the stalker! I kept jokingly propositioning her and finally she agreed to a date. It was awkward... she had been recently hurt and acted stubbornly distant and seemingly not that into me - as I was realising how much I was into her!

After another couple of weeks of her mixed signals, I made a conscious decision to give up and move on. Then I got the fateful text: "do you wanna come over and make out?"

From there it became a passionate, complicated, beautiful mess. I went from being afraid to hold her hand in public to revelling in every moment with her.

My girl and I have now been in love for about a year and a half. I fall in love all over again waking up every morning beside her. And when she stirs and rolls over onto my chest, I wrap her into my arms and we fall back to sleep. Mmmm.


Brian, 48

Well it goes a way back…

I was eleven years old, in scouts, and he was my patrol leader. We used to hang out before and after scouts, as he lived just around the corner from home so we walk to and from. Camps were particular fun, going out and exploring doing things that boys do, fondest memories was heating up raro around the campfire, which went straight through you and everyone then running to empty your bladders. Anyway his name was Selwyn, he was 14, a big lad, husky and well advanced for his years, and to me, he was my hero, and he cared and looked out for me, and I was in love…

It then happened one night when we were away tramping, and I got hurt cutting my leg on barbed wire. I stayed in his tent and he comforted me, held me, kept me warm from a particularly bad storm, and then it happened. I kissed him.

The rest they say is history, we became really good friends from that point until he moved away 7 years later, but those early years I will always remember with great fondness.


Wayne, 25

My first love happened when I was 17 and living down in the small homophobic town of Gore. I was out to only two of my closest friends at the time. One of my friends Rose and her partner Chris asked me to come on holiday with them to Christchurch for a couple of weeks to visit Rose's sister Stephanie as she had a few gay friends and they figured I might like it. At the time I'd never meet another person who actually said they were gay as previous sexual partners were deeply closeted farmer boys who still thought they were straight. So obviously I was really excited and desperately wanted to go.

When we arrived at Stephanie's place I was extremely anxious wondering what her gay friends would be like and if I'd some how I'd be lucky enough to fancy one of them. She then invited her best friend Wayne over (same name as myself) and I instantly wanted to hook up with him! He took me out clubbing the first night I was there and being that it was the first gay bar I'd ever been to, I had the time of my life! I think at the time we were getting down to Mumbo Italiano and Spice Up Your Life.

Obviously after the liquor kicked in and my teenage sex drive took over me, we hooked up. I then ditched my friends and spent the next two weeks with Wayne at his flat in the city getting more and more cozy with each other. I was in love! Yay other gay men do exist and I have a boyfriend! Wayne then told me that he felt sorry for me having to go back to hell (Gore) and said that if I was keen I could move up to Christchurch and stay at his place until I got a job and found my own flat. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait!

So then at the end of my holiday which was on a Thursday; I went back home to Gore. I told my Dad I was going to go stay at a "friends" house and look for a job in Christchurch. At the time I was currently unemployed and doing a lame "Employment Skills" course to claim a $120 a fortnight Travel Allowance from WINZ so that I had an income. I packed my stuff into my car and left for Christchurch on the Monday.

Obviously I didn't move out from living with Wayne once I'd found a job as our relationship had blossomed and so we stayed living together. Unfortunately as with many first loves, the magic didn't last very long and we parted after eight months. But no love has been more intense and dramatic than my first. - 3rd January 2008