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Wednesday 08 October 2008



"I've never been to a gay bar... I'm nervous"

Posted in: Family Matters
By GayNZ.com - 12th May 2008

Jacquie Grant affectionately known as the "tranny granny", Jacquie's had a colourful life which has seen her go from being harassed by police and arrested on the streets of King's Cross in Sydney in the late 1950s, to a happier life in New Zealand, where she has fostered more than 60 children, and now has numerous grandchildren. Jacquie lives in Hokitika.

Bill Logan is a counsellor, celebrant, gay activist and revolutionist in his fifties, Bill's been on the Gay Helpline in Wellington since 1982, was a co-founder of the NZ AIDS Foundation, and played a significant role in the struggle for homosexual law reform.

Rob Marshall is Youth Coordinator for Rainbow Youth, so is used to giving valued advice on coming out and living well to Auckland's LGBT young people. He's also a qualified chef and nutritionist, with interests in charity work, politics, religion, travelling and surfing.

Previous advisors include secondary school teacher Carol Bartlett, gay activist Jim Peron,"Out & Proud" ambassador AJ Marsh and GayNZ.com editor Jay Bennie.



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James from New Plymouth plans to visit Auckland's gay scene, but how can he get guys' attention when he's so quiet and shy?

James from New Plymouth writes:

GayNZ, can your family team help me with my dilemma?

I'm rocking up to Auckland from New Plymouth for a holiday in May. Looking forward to checking out the gay bars and hope to meet a nice guy.

But I'm nervous and shy. I've never been to a gay bar before, and I don't know how to get conversation going with a dude… like I dunno what to say and how to behave… like, how to get a guy's attention.

I'm 22 and average to pretty good looking. But very shy with people I don't know.

I'd love some pointers on what and what not to do.

Thank you,

From James

Robert Marshall responds:

Hi James,

The secret code word to make people fall in love with you is.....

'Hi how is it going?'. It all starts with conversation. You could follow that up with; "I noticed something about you…", "Hey, can I ask you a question?", "I've got to go find my friend, but…"

The more people you approach the more likely you will connect with someone. Don't think about sex, just think about just meeting kewl people.

Don't hesitate,practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach a person within three seconds of seeing him.

Stay in control. Only accept a drink from someone you trust. Don't leave your drink unattended. Hang around friends you know and trust. And if you end up uncomfortable in a situation, you can always say no.

If you feel like meeting someone outside the pub scene there is UNIQ or ID, they are social groups up here for peeps your age.

Most of all, enjoy yourself :-)

Bill Logan responds:

The truth, James, is that of course you are a bit nervous. Almost everyone is the first few times they go to gay bars. But you'll have a great time.

* Try to smile a bit.

* Eye contact is useful is establishing an initial connection ... but if you're too nervous for that, it can be faked by looking at the guy's forehead.

* If in doubt about conversation, ask questions - be curious about the guy, his work, interests, sporting activities, musical tastes, favourite films, and so on.

Have fun!

Jacquie Grant responds:

Well James I'm not to sure how to answer your query as it sure is a long time since I was a shy young thing, so please forgive me if I am a little flippant during my answer.

I guess the one thing you can do is to as you call it rock on up and go through the door that will be the hardest part of the night making that first move.

Being the sweet cute young thing that you are it won't be to long before someone gives you the eye and for your part make the contact a small smile should be enough, hopefully you will soon meet some people your own age group just a few rules don't go off with the first person you meet (unless he's real cute) try to get into a group if possible and most importantly watch your drink and stay safe.

You will be amazed at how fast you will meet people in a Gay Bar we are a friendly lot usually, another good technique is when you get inside your chosen bar tell the bartender you are new in town and it is your first time in a Gay bar the rest will be as they say history.

James have fun stay safe you are about to enter the wonderful world of GAY.

Jacquie


GayNZ.com - 12th May 2008