National Library of New Zealand
Harvested by the National Library of New Zealand on: Oct 8 2008 at 10:13:28 GMT
Search boxes and external links may not function. Having trouble viewing this page? Click here
Close Minimize Help
Wayback Machine
GayNZ.com Home
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length

   Home   Help Login Register  

News: Red. Green. Blue. Pink. And all the rest... Find the whole spectrum of opinion here.

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Civil dissolution  (Read 306 times)
HOGYN
----
*

Karma: +13/-35
Offline Offline

Posts: 47



« on: 04 October 2008, 04:57:AM »

So, what happens when the dream ends?  When the picket fence comes down?  The house gets sold, custody rights to the dog's lost and the ends of the Earth aren't far enough?  Anyone else out there made mistakes or had mistakes made unto them?  Lost the best thing that ever happened to them and is trying to pick up the pieces?  Had long conversations with razor blades, box cutters or worse?  Perhaps lost a legion of mates for whom you would have and did do anything yet scarpered at the fracture whilst still haunting the gaynz message boards like angels sent from heaven?  Is anyone hurting?  Anymore unhappy endings?
Logged

Hagas lo que hagas, ponte bragas
nzpozguy
----
*

Karma: +3/-3
Offline Offline

Posts: 15



« Reply #1 on: 04 October 2008, 10:27:AM »

you sulk get over it move on
some stay bitter some dont
i am one of those who hasnt lol
i lost love of my life over 19 years ago
lookin forward to being with him again one day Smile
Logged
dominict
----
*

Karma: +3/-1
Online Online

Posts: 45


« Reply #2 on: 04 October 2008, 01:28:PM »

I think HOGYN's talkin about Divorce  Angry
Logged
oceanbreeze
Addicted Boarder
*****

Karma: +89/-77
Offline Offline

Posts: 922



WWW
« Reply #3 on: 04 October 2008, 01:38:PM »

So, what happens when the dream ends?  When the picket fence comes down?  The house gets sold, custody rights to the dog's lost and the ends of the Earth aren't far enough?  Anyone else out there made mistakes or had mistakes made unto them?  Lost the best thing that ever happened to them and is trying to pick up the pieces?  Had long conversations with razor blades, box cutters or worse?  Perhaps lost a legion of mates for whom you would have and did do anything yet scarpered at the fracture whilst still haunting the gaynz message boards like angels sent from heaven?  Is anyone hurting?  Anymore unhappy endings?

I can understand that it is heard, just like any break up.
you need to let go, you yourself wont be able to move on in life and be truely happy again until you do.
Logged

That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other.
nzpozguy
----
*

Karma: +3/-3
Offline Offline

Posts: 15



« Reply #4 on: 04 October 2008, 08:49:PM »

I think HOGYN's talkin about Divorce  Angry

oh u cut up half of everything exclding animals - and remain friends  Evil
Logged
HOGYN
----
*

Karma: +13/-35
Offline Offline

Posts: 47



« Reply #5 on: 05 October 2008, 01:56:AM »


lookin forward to being with him again one day Smile


Not too soon though I hope.
Logged

Hagas lo que hagas, ponte bragas
Gymgoer
----
*

Karma: +1/-1
Offline Offline

Posts: 9


« Reply #6 on: 05 October 2008, 03:33:AM »

I know where your coming from - I relate to that....been there.  When your world feels like its falling to pieces our you, and people say - 'get over it and move on'. but words aren't that simple, sometimes the inner loss, feels so much greater, than any love or affection others can give us.  As we lost the 'one'.  Well, the 'one' whom we thought love would be forever.  But, its only in the realisation, that exists - there are no quick fixes.  Or, magic potion - to make the pain go away.  Sometimes it take time.  Time to heal, that loss & its doesn't speak of 'weakness'. But an acknowledgement that 'loss' is apart of life.  If only we could for-see into the future and see how things would turn out.  But, you ask the Mother, who lost her son, to a drunk driver.  Or the Father, who lost his son to aids.  Or the Women next door, who died of breast canceer.  Or, the like.  You sit down with such people (as i have) and you hear their loss.  And it help heal yours. Because you realise that everyone hurts in some way or another.  Although we can put on the tough exterior and say 'get over it'....which does work.  Sometimes those very people, break in the end - if they can not acknowlege the 'loss' and then allow time, to move on.  You wil find someone who 'blows your wildest dreams' into reality, that where so distant from you - because 'loss' makes us feel, like nothing (or no one better) could ever come along.  If over we could see into the future.  We'd see, that the best was yet to come.  That what we should expect, is that life will always get better, and BETTER & better.  We must dream, we must have hope and we must believe.  Otherwise we stay stuck. Stuck in the past of what went wrong, analysing what we could have done better, back-trackng and blaming, reflecting and contemplating.....untill our mind become clattered with some much crappy thoughts.....that we make our lives unhappy and we stagnate and never move forward.  Thus....miss the best thats to come.  By not letting go.  And let love come again...better, than it has....better THAN WHAT IT WAS. 
Logged

 
clasp 2.0
Hardcore Boarder
****

Karma: +54/-14
Offline Offline

Posts: 360



« Reply #7 on: 05 October 2008, 07:09:PM »

Frankly, (and not to attack OB, who is merely a product of his culture) I find comments such as this (although common):

you need to let go
to be utterly callous.

Quote from: Supposed Friend
'Get over it'
- oh really?  I was planning on feeling like total shit for the rest of my life- thanks for the fucking tip.

It should be completely legal to force a large object down the throat of anyone who tells you to 'get over it', 'let go', or 'move on'.
Gymgoer's post gives more of a flavour of what these trite pat phrases, usually reeled off like something written by Louise Hay's well-meaning, but intellectually retarded publicist, actually entail. 
Often when someone says 'get over it' what they are actually saying is;

Quote from: Internal Monologue
You talking about your suffering and vulnerability is shaking my own delusions of invulnerability, and making me anxious, so please shut up and/or go away.
totally shits me (did you notice?) Angry

Logged
Kay
I Sleep Here !
*****

Karma: +178/-74
Online Online

Posts: 1437



« Reply #8 on: 05 October 2008, 07:49:PM »

So, what happens when the dream ends?  When the picket fence comes down?  The house gets sold, custody rights to the dog's lost and the ends of the Earth aren't far enough?  Anyone else out there made mistakes or had mistakes made unto them?  Lost the best thing that ever happened to them and is trying to pick up the pieces?  Had long conversations with razor blades, box cutters or worse?  Perhaps lost a legion of mates for whom you would have and did do anything yet scarpered at the fracture whilst still haunting the gaynz message boards like angels sent from heaven?  Is anyone hurting?  Anymore unhappy endings?

Years ago my partner of 7 years and I separated.  There was someone else and she didn't want to share.  It hurt but more in a bewildering way than sharp pain.  I guess we'd been drifting for a while.  We'd agreed on an open relationship and I hadn't foreseen the risks.  My friends were useless - when they heard of the split they were more interested in whether my ex had someone new (and whether they stood a chance!) 

I moved into a friend's flat for a few months while finances were sorted out.  The long walk to work through the gardens was good.  I started dating again and fell heavily for someone new - and it didn't last. That hurt too.  Going swimming was good - no one can see the tears when you cry in the pool. 

New activities, new people to go places with, a resolution to stick to being single for a while, and I took up running.  My muscle tone and mood improved.  Eventually I met my current partner (and went to theatre & restaurants instead of running so the pounds came back - but that's another story).

It takes time to move through grief and denial and into healing.  Its OK to take as long as it takes.  Tears and dwelling in the misery are OK.  Listen to the blues - that's what the songs are there for. 
Logged

Kay
sloanne
Guest
« Reply #9 on: 05 October 2008, 09:28:PM »

So, what happens when the dream ends?  When the picket fence comes down?  The house gets sold, custody rights to the dog's lost and the ends of the Earth aren't far enough?  Anyone else out there made mistakes or had mistakes made unto them?  Lost the best thing that ever happened to them and is trying to pick up the pieces?  Had long conversations with razor blades, box cutters or worse?  Perhaps lost a legion of mates for whom you would have and did do anything yet scarpered at the fracture whilst still haunting the gaynz message boards like angels sent from heaven?  Is anyone hurting?  Anymore unhappy endings?

Years ago my partner of 7 years and I separated.  There was someone else and she didn't want to share.  It hurt but more in a bewildering way than sharp pain.  I guess we'd been drifting for a while.  We'd agreed on an open relationship and I hadn't foreseen the risks.  My friends were useless - when they heard of the split they were more interested in whether my ex had someone new (and whether they stood a chance!) 

I moved into a friend's flat for a few months while finances were sorted out.  The long walk to work through the gardens was good.  I started dating again and fell heavily for someone new - and it didn't last. That hurt too.  Going swimming was good - no one can see the tears when you cry in the pool. 

New activities, new people to go places with, a resolution to stick to being single for a while, and I took up running.  My muscle tone and mood improved.  Eventually I met my current partner (and went to theatre & restaurants instead of running so the pounds came back - but that's another story).

It takes time to move through grief and denial and into healing.  Its OK to take as long as it takes.  Tears and dwelling in the misery are OK.  Listen to the blues - that's what the songs are there for. 
Going swimming was good - no one can see the tears when you cry in the pool.

He he I love that line and what a clever idea  Wink

I can relate to what your saying here Kay...
It doesn't hurt any less as you get older or more life experienced - but you kinda know there is light at the end of the tunnel... redraw your world map , pick yourself up .

Funny too with me I tend to remember all the good things about past loves...

Laughter is an essential  anytime in your life - at the world and at yourself... " Hey laughter is the lubrication of life"
Logged
Fradley
Nintendo!!
Addicted Boarder
*****

Karma: +23/-4
Online Online

Posts: 506


Tinkering with the fabric of existence.


« Reply #10 on: 05 October 2008, 09:32:PM »

Going swimming was good - no one can see the tears when you cry in the pool.

He he I love that line and what a clever idea  Wink

That reminded me of the recent episode of the simpsons where lisa enters the sundance film festival, and later finds out that nelson too had entered, and one of his lines in his short film was "I like to go to ocean, because only there do my tears seem small"
Logged

When the shit hits the fan, get a tent!
L Femme Fatale
----
*

Karma: +3/-0
Offline Offline

Posts: 16



« Reply #11 on: 05 October 2008, 09:41:PM »

I had one youthful LTR end in a loving way due to circumstances - we wanted different futures.  We are still loving friends across the ocean after many years.  

I had another LTR end in an UGLY way.  That was twelve years ago and we haven't spoken since.  I almost swallowed a shotgun.   (Ironically, I believe she cut me off completely because she knew it was likely I would suicide and wanted to distance herself from the fallout.)   Despite years of prozac and a new LTR, I have scars from the breakup that can never heal.  My enemy ex is a hard minded, very self centred woman, she will never come out of her emotional fortress to give me any closure or healing.  I still am reminded of her every day.  Oh, I have had some exuberant times in recent years, but there is a permanent shadow over my life.

That is just how life is. We have our misfortunes and heal as best we can and move on.  But we accumulate damage.  Scars, bad knees, and damaged hearts.  We recover, but never to naive youth, innocence, and untarnished optimism.  We can go to the gym, buy chocolates for our new loves, but we can never really be young at heart again.

The good part is that life is not forever.  Ever year passes faster.  Eventually, it will come to an end for all of us.  That is not a tragedy, it is a kindness.  Death is not called our final reward for no reason.  In the meantime, the trick is to have as much fun, share as much love, sing and dance and laugh as much as possible.  And not take life too seriously.


Logged

Number Six: Are you alive?
Military Liaison: Yes.
Number Six: Prove it.
sloanne
Guest
« Reply #12 on: 05 October 2008, 09:57:PM »

A very ' Saged ' thought La Fem ...

To ' Triumph over Adversity '... one of life's little tricks, simple in theory ,hard to master but very empowering if you can achieve it..
Logged
angel--boi
Fierce!
Regular Boarder
***

Karma: +17/-2
Offline Offline

Posts: 138



« Reply #13 on: 06 October 2008, 12:16:AM »

Well me and my ex husband were married may 2005, and separated last march. Our divorce will be being finalised next year (2 years from date of separation), it was not too complicated, we decided that we would leave with what we came into the relationship with, and then separate the "joint assets" by value, so we would pay out each other if we would keep something (ie: I kept the car, so i paid him out half of what we'd paid into it together).. only thing is that a few things I did not realise until after, were not separated evenly, kinda felt like a raw deal.
Logged

Doubletake
I Sleep Here !
*****

Karma: +65/-65
Online Online

Posts: 1064



« Reply #14 on: Today at 08:57 PM »

Divorce is always messy whichever way you look at it... factor in 2 children and it can get very ugly.

But to use a cliche, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

And it did help when I pointed out to my ex that we only had to look at our children to realise that to regret or be bitter about what we once had, would be to regret the existance of two very beautiful souls. 
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF 1.1.6 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines LLC
Moonraker design by Crip - Some images provided by sloopz.
Page created in 0.127 seconds with 15 queries.