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Wednesday 08 October 2008

The Art of Lesbian Television Viewing

Posted in: Television
By Doreen Agassiz-Suddens - 23rd June 2008

Forget Cold Case, here's Mariska Hargitay!
The joys of watching television are many-fold for the lesbian viewer. It involves analysis, agonising decisions, and lustful thoughts, when deciding what to spend precious time gazing at.

For this viewer a simple solution has been devised, which excludes the intellect and engages other parts of the brain, the part that is beyond our understanding – sexual attraction.

For weeks I've been watching Cold Case on TV 1 on the grounds that I think Lilly Rush (Kathyryn Morris) is quite nice, but then lo and behold TV3 put SVU on at the same time, which stars Mariska Hargitay. Oh dear, bugger the story line, Mariska captures me every time, so bye-bye Cold Case. But what of the other programmes?

For many years I've been a devoted fan of Emmerdale, mainly because of Zoe Tate (Leah Bracknell) the resident village lesbian.

Zoe Tate (left) was hitched to Emma Nightingale - but later she went nuts & slept with a man

Zoe was the first soap opera lesbian who remained in the programme after other soap opera lesbians had been killed off. But after ten years or more the script writer's decided to send her mad (like most programmes lesbians are either mad, bad, or dead), during which time she has sex with a man and conceives. But the programme still tries to redeem its support of lesbian characters by implying she does not remember this episode because she was mad, so was not really straight!). Eventually Zoe returns of her own free will to lesbianism, packs up her household, and her mysteriously conceived daughter, and moves to New Zealand, so that's the end of the worry about my having to ever miss that programme again.

Chastity Claire Babcock: Watch out, C.C.!
And lately I've been giving the news a miss to watch a show that is nearly a decade old. How can I explain to people that I, who have a Masters in Political Studies, and are usually a dedicated political activist with a passionate interest in the news and current events, have bypassed the news to watch The Nanny? Maybe only other lesbians would understand that the answer lies in the two words, Lauren Lane, who plays C. C. Babcock, who is gorgeous. Although I do have a worry that people will say to me one day, "isn't it awful that the Taleban have recaptured Afghanistan, that Iraq has descended into civil war, and the price of petrol is beyond our reach and I'll have to catch the bus, and my answer will be "Oh, sorry I missed that, it must have been on the 6 0'clock news!"

Doreen Agassiz-Suddens - 23rd June 2008