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Wednesday 08 October 2008

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29th February 2008

Gay chicks amongst the hens

Posted by: Kitten Power

hens-night1.jpgMy big sister is getting married on Saturday, so this week saw the hen’s night.  I’m slightly scarred about hen’s nights since one quite a while ago where we had to put the name of the person we most desired into a hat and nobody quite understood how a woman’s name got in there.  Then the heavily pregnant bride gave a strange man a lap dance.  It was all just a mess really. 

But this time, after the stream of jokes from my sister and the groom-to-be’s family about whether my girlfriend and I should go to the hen or the stag (well, drinking on a boat and the possibility of  strippers is always tempting), we put our glad rags and heels on and headed for a night of femme fun.

The hen’s night was clucking along tamely enough with bubbles and wedding tales, until my sister nearly slammed my fingers in a drawer, then said without thinking “oh, you don’t really need your fingers do you?”  I shot her back a  that said “ummm . . . oh yes I sure do . . .” then realised it was my sister, so we had an awkward mili-second then fell about in fits of laughter.  I mean, what a thing to ask your lesbian little sister!

Of course there were games, toilet paper wedding dresses and “how well do you know your fiance” questions.  And the things people find to give as presents!  Penis-shaped chocolate, cock rings, penis-shaped bubble blowers - at which stage of present opening I was longing for boats and strippers.

We decided to head into the city for dinner and more drinks and soon realised we didn’t have a list of tasks the bride had to carry out.  How disorganised were we!  The list was hastily created by my giggling girlfriend and the bride’s giggling sister.  The success rate has given me a strange new pride in my ol’ big sis. 

What my sister didn’t do:

  • Lick someone’s eyeball (that is just gross)
  • Convince a guy she was French
  • Get a round of free drinks (she just got herself free drinks, but good on her)

Among the things she did do:

  • Get an item of clothing from a man (an English guy was more than happy to whip into the bathroom and whip off his boxers)
  • Spank all boys wearing shorts
  • Moon at least two taxis
  • Dance backwards
  • Go up to one guy and pretend your tongue is longer than your mouth

With all the screaming feminity, my hot-blooded butch side must have been breaking out in jealousy and it took over for bit when some idiot guy threw a pool table triangle at one of the girls.  I had on my leather jacket and all five foot of me marched up and told him not to throw ANYTHING at ANY of the women I was with, or ANY woman EVER AGAIN.  His response was to shout back at me “everybody is having fun except you, everybody is having fun except you!”  I was about to show him just how much fun could be had if I shoved the triangle up his arse, when my girlfriend calmed me down and put me back in my seat, saying “baby, you were doing the eyebrow thing” which is the face I apparently do when I am very mad and unimpressed. 

Funnily enough, we were at a certain central city bar where I can’t seem to go without getting into a fight with some poor boy.  Perhaps I’d just be better to avoid the place altogether, or at least take my leather jacket off before entering.

Now I must get the final preparations done for Saturday, when a dress, heels and lipstick are set to collide in a screaming mess of wedding femininity.


What’s on Kitten Power’s headphones: Simian Mobile Disco

I’m on holiday from work and in party mode and Simian Mobile Disco do a great blend of amped but easy party music.  Although it’s a been around for a little while, Hustler is my favourite track on the album Attack Decay Sustain Release, with the lyrics “I’m a hustler baby . . .  that’s what my daddy’s made me.”  

Tags: General

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Bel // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:17 am

    That’s bloody funny!!!!!
    Miss you bitches!!


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