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Wednesday 08 October 2008


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22nd July 2008

Dear Lindsay Lohan . . .

Posted by: Kitten Power

Lohan’s lesbian lover is ‘the man’lindsay-sam.jpg

Lindsay Lohan reportedly plays the “passive wife” when she is with Samantha Ronson.

The 22-year-old actress - who is rumoured to dating DJ and singer Samantha - is said to adopt a submissive role in their alleged relationship.

A source told America’s Star magazine: “Lindsay and Samantha are totally playing house and loving every minute of it. And, yes, they share a bed!

“They both play certain roles. Lindsay is the passive one, the wife. It works for them!”

According to the magazine, the young couple also shop for sex toys together and have made a “bizarre” pact to stay thin.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I need some advice.  I keep reading everywhere that you have become Samantha Ronson’s “passive wife”.  First of all, what is a passive wife?  Secondly, how can I get one?

I gained some inspiration from the “Good Wife’s Guide” and gave my girlfriend a list of a few easy, beginner requests:

  • Wash and iron my socks and wife beaters daily
  • Have a scotch ready when I walk in the door
  • Be completely silent when sport is on TV
  • Just “lie there” during sex

It didn’t work - she just thought I was joking.  When I tried to convince her I was serious she just told me to F-off.  Plus she isn’t super-rich like you, so she has to work and doesn’t have much spare time to be passive.

The thing that worries me a little bit is that if my girlfriend did ever become my passive wife, then I’d have to be a man.  I mean the headline in that story says Samantha Ronson is “the man” in your relationship.  Plus the chest-beating hairy guy at work claims that Ellen DeGeneres is “the man” in her relationship with Portia de Rossi, so it’s obviously a well documented fact.

So if I become “the man” in my relationship does that mean I have to cut my hair really short and wear a sock all the time?  Or do I actually have to go through “the change”?

In which case, would I still be a lesbian at all?  As from what I understand . . . a lesbian relationship involves at least two women, but no men.

So Lindsay, I never expected you to become the poster girl for my generation of lesbians, I mean you are always in rehab or crashing cars, your movies are crap and your music could afford to lose some of its pop.  But I just don’t know where else to turn . . . so I would really appreciate it if you helped me out and answered my questions.  

You probably need something to do other than lying around being passive all day anyway, right?

Thanks,

A. Young-Dyke

Tags: General

21 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Bleh // Jul 23, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    BlaH.

  • 2 Kitten Power // Jul 23, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Wow, how fluently you express yourself.

  • 3 Bleh // Jul 24, 2008 at 11:03 am

    Yes, almost as well as your credibility with a fake name.

  • 4 Kitten Power // Jul 24, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Hey look if you want to bitch go somewhere else. Not interested.

  • 5 Craig // Jul 24, 2008 at 11:27 am

    One twentysomething lesbifriend was most interested when I told her about the mischievous response to someone who tried to ‘out’ Jason Donovan in the nineties. After they referred to his sexual orientation, other posters went up stating
    -”He’s straight! He’s straight! You homophobic bastards!!!”

    Could something similar be done to Ms Lohan, perhaps?

    C.

  • 6 Kitten Power // Jul 24, 2008 at 11:38 am

    I hadn’t heard that before either, interesting.

    I just can’t believe the coverage of the “alleged” relationship between Lohan and Ronson, it’s bizarre. But that’s tabloids for you. They probably used Chained Girls as their research material.

  • 7 Craig // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Can anything be done to keep her out
    of the lesbian community? Perhaps she
    cheated on her entrance exam, and
    doesn’t qualify?

    C.

  • 8 Bleh // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Here’s an idea. Why don’t we teach Lindsay that lesbians don’t help out with things in the queer community and that all they do is bitch and moan, almost like this article aims to do.

    She needs to know that if she wants to live the lesbian life then the numero uno rule is that you can complain when you don’t like things, but never EVER to offer your support and help out to make things better.

    That should be in your letter to her, for sure.

  • 9 Kitten Power // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    What an utterly ridiculous generalization.

  • 10 Lickin' Lohan // Jul 24, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Someone doesn’t like lesbians. Their loss. Keep up the good work Kitten.

  • 11 Bleh // Jul 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    Go along to any volunteer queer org in the country and do some counting. This is no generalisation.

  • 12 Bleh // Jul 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    And I don’t hate lesbians, I just think they moan a lot and are useless when it comes to getting things done.

  • 13 Tal // Jul 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Funny how ignorance and hate are related

  • 14 Fanta // Jul 25, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    So, really Bleh, who is the moaner? You’re not doing anything for the gay community yourself when you’re as “lesbephobic” as you are.

  • 15 Bleh // Jul 28, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Believe me, this sentiment is shared throughout the gay community in NZ.

  • 16 lis // Jul 28, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    i dont know a whole lot of lesbians so i dont know if they moan alot, but if they do (according to you) what do they moan about? i know some gay men and have heard storys from them that gay men bitch and moan alot aswell (and dont say they dont cos they do), so i guess its the person who decides weather to moan alot or not, not just cos there “lesbian” cos im sure straight or gay moan to. Also why do gay bars always catter for men and there Drag Queen shows, why not have some Drag King shows for lesbians to dress up.

    Maybe it just the lesbians YOU know that moan or are useless, cos all the ones i know are out working or studying.

    also what are you yourself? must not be a lesbian to be bitching about us moaning..

    If lindsay lohan wants to be a in a relationship with another woman who really cares, i know i dont. there are most likely alot of people who are in a relationship with the same sex but they dont go around specifying if there gay, lesbian, bi or straight, they just found a connection other then with the opposit sex weather its emotionaly or sexually.

  • 17 Shotgun Mike // Jul 29, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    I think you guys are missing Bleh’s point here (not that he communicates it in a very constructive or profound way).
    He obviously isn’t the cleverest cookie in the jar but he has touched upon an interseting point; I would like to believe that such a generalisation is bullshit but cannot as it has been my experience that alot of lesbians I have met can be relatively obtuse. This is sad because I also know some lesbians whom I love dearly and who are great people and this generalisation does not apply to them.
    I ask you guys not to go on the defensive and rebut every unPC claim that people like Bleh make but to actually muse upon it and question why and how such generalistions manifest themselves.
    Stop acting so insulted and throwing words back and forth and be active about killing off these sterotypes.
    You wouldn’t have to be so defensive if this issue didn’t worry you. Ironically by aggressively engaging with him you are fulfilling the stereotype.
    Sorry to anyone who feels displaced from the Gay community because of this type of herd mentality displayed here.
    Zap, Zap, Kerpow.

  • 18 Kitten Power // Jul 30, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Thank you all for you comments. Let me clarify a couple of things:

    This blog (for anyone who missed the point) was about the ridiculous way the media are covering Lindsay Lohan’s relationship, making her out to be a lesbian poster child and using irrelevant terms such as “passive wife” and calling her lover “the man”. THESE are lesbian stereotypes.

    I chose not to get into a “blog fight” with “Bleh” because his comments were not constructive or even entertaining, they were just hateful. Saying “all lesbians bitch and moan and don’t do anything” is just as ridiculous as saying “all lesbians have passive wives”.

    I’m sorry that some gay men have had bad experiences with the lesbians they have come into contact with. I’m even sorrier they have used these negative experiences to perpetuate another stereotype, which is the last thing this community needs.

    My experience has been completely different. Most of the gay men and women I have met are powerful, forward thinking and inspiring. And they sure looked after me when I was struggling with coming out. Sure, there’s the odd bitch or stirrer, but I find it disgusting that I am judged based on a stereotype created by people within the gay community.

    Why do we need to hate each other? Because as cliche as it sounds, isn’t the world doing a good enough job of hating all of us already?

  • 19 Bleh // Jul 30, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    My entire point was, and it is very relevant to the idea of a lesbian having a blog and the correlation of blogging with complaining, that I feel lesbians need to put their money where their mouth is.

    And I’m talking entirely about queer volunteer organisations here in New Zealand that I’ve been involved with from Auckland to Dunedin and inbetween.

    Lesbians, on the whole, definitely know how to oppose to things or complain about them but have next to zero interest in actually giving up their spare time to making things better, or better to their ideas.

    This can be backed up by anyone involved in queer volunteer organisations in New Zealand.

    Kitten Power, I urge you to make a difference, if that’s going to help, and spend an hour of each week volunteering for the nearest queer organisation. That goes for any lesbian opposed to what I am saying.

  • 20 Craig Young // Jul 31, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Personally, I think Kitten is making an excellent contribution, and this is an excellent blog.

  • 21 alanbbc // Aug 13, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Oh, Thanks! Really interesting. Big ups!

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