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Wednesday 08 October 2008

Proclamations of the Red Queen

5th October 2008

The Bill and Ben Party: An In-Depth Gay Probe!

Posted by: Craig Young

billandben.jpgThe Bill and Ben Party is a joke political party, something that has been sadly lacking since the much-lamented demise of the McGillicuddy Serious Party. The party’s leaders are Jamie (”Bill”) Linehan and Ben Boyce (”Bill” and Ben) of TV3’s satirical sports show Pulp Sport.

As a joke political organisation, it shares a rich and varied heritage with the defunct McGillicuddy Serious Party and Imperial British Conservative Party, both humorous political entities which contested New Zealand general elections over the last thirty years.

In early 2008, Ben Boyce came up with the idea of having a political party. Initially, Lineham didn’t like the idea and said he  preferred a seventies themed party instead. After this was cleared up , the duo decided that they should run for Parliament. Just as well, because the idea of a seventies party is seriously traumatic to those of us who remember Muldoon, ABBA and Patricia Bartlett from that decade.

The two gentleman (and whatever species their Mascot is) have a Facebook page. However, they seem to be similarly confused over  the meaning of the word ‘run.’ Linehan fancied himself as a long distance runner, as he placed third in the Bay 10k Under 12 Champs in 1990. Ben was happy to follow him in his beat up Nissan Sunny due to lack of exercise, so Messrs Boyce and Linehan decided that they would run for Parliament.

Unfortunately, the two guys have had another mishap. Look at their Facebook page, and you’ll note that both of them are labelled Number 1 on their respective party list.  Are we in for another unseemly dust-up about who should be on top in this context, given horrible memories about Graham C, Graeme Lee and the Christian Coalition fiasco? If so, why not compromise and have the Mascot serve as a single nonsense leader? It worked for Graeme Lee. And, eventually, B&B could change their name and sneak into Parliament under false colours, just like the Christian Democrats/Future New Zealand I/United Future/Future New Zealand II/the Kiwi Party did.

The Bill and Ben party wanted their key policy to be “New Zealand’s lowest food prices.” Unfortunately, Pak n Save had already beaten them to it. As a result, there’s been a legal battle. Although they’re short on the logistics about how they’ll do it,  the Bill and Ben party plan to provide New Zealanders with cheaper cheese by the end of the year.  I’m sure that will appeal to fromage fans across the country.

The Bill and Ben Party have promised nothing except diminished cheese costs. As they have promised no promises they have actually made a promise, but that’s the only promise that they have made.

The party applied for registration on July 1, and  was registered by the Electoral Commission on 29 July. They also have a logo of their own, even if it looks suspiciously like an Land Transport Safety Authority Bed and Breakfast hostelry sign.


So, what’s in it for LGBT voters? Thus far, the party seems to have some implicit appeal to very shallow gayboys and straight women, given the presence of intensely homoerotic ‘man love moments’ on Pulp Sport.  Now, does this mean that they stand for increased gay appeal in sports matches?

And then there’s the gratuitous male nudity angle, as there are equally appealing Super-Streaker segments on their programme. Unfortunately, Bill and Ben themselves haven’t tried to garner cheap publicity through issuing a nude calendar of themselves for 2009 to defray campaign expenses and arouse interest through exposure of themselves. However, I’d buy it if they did. Again, does this mean that we’ll be in for gratuitous displays of male nudity if there’s B&B input into the next government, or am I making an inferential leap of potentially cataclysmic proportions?

Recommended: I Think…

Bill and Ben Party: Facebook

Tags: Politics

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Craig Young // Oct 8, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    Okay, I didn’t mean Bill and Ben regularly naked, or that they know the joys of manlove personally. However, I still think it would be an excellent cheap publicity stunt to put out a nude calander of themselves… involving ball games for the sake of modesty…

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