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July 21, 2005

Labour's new pledge card

Labour

I see Labour has announced it will have a seven point pledge card this election. Someone has leaked me an advance copy:

Labour pledges:

1) We will promise to considier, maybe, one day, if we are in a good mood, giving people some of their money back. But only if we like you.

2) We will have a school qualification systems that no-one can understand, so those who fail can not be discriminated against.

3) We will appoint George Hawkins as Ambassador to Niue, to get him out of the Police portfolio

4) We will have a weekly phone in poll to determine what stupid venture each week we waste $10 million on.

5) We will reclassify people on waiting list for operations as waiting for waiting lists and hence not count them.

6) We will retrospectively change the speed limit ti 180 km/hr so there is no need for a court case on 1 August involving the PM.

7) Fill in this one yourself. We will promise you whatever you would like us to, if you'll vote for us. As long as it involves spedning, not giving people their money back.

Posted by David P. Farrar at July 21, 2005 05:42 AM | TrackBack
Comments

We pledge that the new $160million slush fund in tertiary edicuation will be spent wisely but we also promise we will continue to underfund primary education to keep busy parents gainfully employed raising money for primary schools.

Posted by: tim barclay at July 21, 2005 08:32 AM

8) We will hire someone for the National Party who has the ability to write satire that is actually funny

Posted by: Nick Eynon at July 21, 2005 08:53 AM

Nick:

It's pretty hard to satirise something that is already it's own complete self-parody.

Posted by: Craig Ranapia at July 21, 2005 09:23 AM

7) A tenfold increase in the defence budget.

Posted by: EDH at July 21, 2005 12:20 PM

A couple of minor amendments may be necessary. Their counterparts in England have banned the word 'fail' and replaced it with 'yet to succeed'. George Hawkins may have to go to Nauru instead as the Niue seat of power is presently occupied by Jim Anderton's former deputy, no doubt keeping it warm for Jim.

Posted by: baxter at July 21, 2005 03:44 PM
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