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A few simple things

Rob O'Neill live in Sydney | Jul 22, 2004 18:41

The way I figure it, the average man in the street wants just a few simple things from this tough old life. They want to remain young, slim, have an MBA without studying, sport a bigger, rock-hard Johnson and perhaps, at least according to my inbox this morning, to be called "Minister":

Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours. As a minister, you will be authorised to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

Perform Weddings, Funerals, Perform Baptisms, Forgiveness of Sins. Visit Correctional Facilities. Want to start your own church?

Press here to find out how

Now while I share most of these aspirations with my fellow chaps, this last one I find curiously tempting, especially the bit about visiting correctional facilities. Others might go for the forgiveness gig, but give me a correctional facility any time.

Now right below the message above was an even better one obviously designed, I think, to help this compelling offer bypass corporate spam filters:

Ah, OUI! Eet is ze two dollar, M'sieur.

All right; I can stay about a day before I go bankrupt .
Give me a room.

CERTAINEMENT, M'sieur In studies comparing different lactams the spectrum of coverage was similar in both arms However, synergism can be examined only indirectly.

You get that with synergism, I find. It's very frustrating.

What women want remains a mystery. I think it's fair to say, there is a dearth of spam directed at the fairer sex. If any of you out there have any suggestions, drop me a subject line…

Now, with the powers that be persisting in trying to scare the living shit out of everyone on terrorism, I think it's time to look at the lighter side.

Yes, terrorism can be funny.

First stop, visit the Taleban Reunited website:

Our database includes over 5,000 Terrorist Camps and Flight Training Schools, Al-Qaeda bases and Mud Huts. Over 500,000 Terrorist have signed up to our service and its growing at over 5,000 everyday.

Next visit the George Bush Conspiracy Theory Generator. Don't bother with the random theory option, go down below and create your own customised conspiracy.

Or get the latest war on terrorism (WOT) headlines:

Bush Admits Iraq Invasion Caused by Typo

Terrorists Now Demand Philippines Make Them a Drink and Bring Them the Paper

Bush Daughters Move Out Into Real World Where Parents Still Pay for Everything

Osama Bin Laden to Speak, Get Captured at Republican National Convention

Pro-War Activists Threaten to Behead Filipinos

NEW MARKET, VA (DPI) - A group of pro-war activists took hostage several Filipino tourists and threatened beheading them if the Philippines did not send combat troops back into Iraq. In a videotaped message sent to a TV station in Richmond, the hooded activist leader said, "We don't care what they bomb and we don't care who they bomb, but the Philippines should be bombing the crap out of something or someone in Iraq!"

Rock on.

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